No matter how your marriage may begin, there are a few relationship killers that will sneak into your marriage if you are not on guard. We talked about relationship weeds previously, but here are some specifics regarding them.
- The first relationship killer is the what if.
The what if creeps into your mind and has you ponder what life might have been like if you had not married each other. Maybe your what if will center around an old boyfriend or girlfriend that treated you like gold. Maybe your what if will involve missed educational or social opportunities. Perhaps your what if will make you daydream about what life would be like if you weren’t married at all.
What ifs will come into your mind, but it is up to you if you are going to allow yourself to dwell on them. James 1:13-17 says, “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God,’ for God cannot be tempted with evil, and He himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” (ESV)
- The next surefire relationship killer is comparison.
Have you ever heard the saying, “The road of comparison always leads to disappointment?” It’s true. Comparing ourselves or our situations to someone else’s will only lead us to discontentment.
Someday, when you are married and angry with your spouse, it will be tempting to compare him or her to another person you think would treat you better or make a better spouse for you. When you start comparing your husband to your boss, or your wife to your high school fling who lives down the road, you are putting your relationship in danger. You may think entertaining such thoughts is completely harmless; but, after you get in the habit of daydreaming about that other man or woman, it becomes easier to imagine crossing the infidelity line.
The Casting Crowns song Slow Fade is an excellent example of this point. God doesn’t tell us to keep our minds pure because He doesn’t want us to have any pleasure in life. He is our Father and He is protecting us.
Consider this thought for a moment. God created us and therefore He knows what His creation can and will do. His commands keep us safe and lead us to be more like Him (Philippians 4:8).
- The last relationship killer is to have a backup plan for your marriage.
This means that you should not have someone in the back of your mind that will serve as a backup companion should your marriage fail. If you are making provisions for another love interest once you have entered marriage, you are setting your marriage up for failure.
There are a few times in life when you must be all in before leaping. Before an airplane leaves a certain point on the runway, the pilot needs to be committed. Before you let your barber shave your head, you need to be committed. Before couples say I do, both parties need to be committed.
What ifs, comparisons, and backup plans all begin with a single thought. I would imagine that almost everyone will have a what if, comparison, or backup plan thought at some point in their marriage. And when they occur, these thoughts have to be taken captive (2 Corinthians 10:4-6).
My goal in bringing up this topic is not to forecast doom on your future marriage – quite the contrary. My reason for broaching this topic is to warn and prepare you against thoughts that will lead your marriage down a wrong path in order that you may have a successful marriage. Remember that marriages built on the Word of God and His righteous principles are also covered in God’s protection and favor. Resolve today to fight against the what ifs, comparisons, and backup plan in marriage.
Have you found yourself thinking what if, comparison, or backup plan thoughts before your wedding day?