{If you came here in the middle of the story, you may want to start with
Good Friends Make the Best Spouses (Our Story, Part I) first!}
While enjoying the idea of being engaged, we realized that we had some major differences. He was a go-getter and I was, shall we say, not a go-getter. He was a perfectionist; whereas, I wanted to save time, money, and headache. While I had vague ideas of what I’d like the wedding to look like, I really just wanted it to come together, look nice, and not worry over the details. This is when I realized just how much Eric lives for details… and how crazy it drove me! At the same token, this is when he realized just how laid back I was… and how crazy it drove him!
It happens, but it’s rare to find a couple with the same personality. I’ve heard Dave Ramsey quote Larry Burkett who said, “If two people who are alike get married, one of them is unnecessary.” (And though a couple can be of the same personality and avoid some conflicts, being too alike comes with its own set of issues!)
We received the assistance of my godmother, Becky, to help plan our wedding – and it’s a good thing since we were in Virginia and the wedding was going to be in North Carolina. I knew next to nothing about wedding planning, so it was a shock to me when I was told all the things I would need to organize and complete before the big day.
Because Becky was in NC working on details for us, there are probably headaches involved in wedding planning we never had to experience. One thing Eric and I advise to engaged couples is to have a wedding planner who will work with the couple to give them what they want. Often, though not always, when a family member or close friend tries to help plan the wedding, misunderstandings can arise which cause hurt feelings and the couple’s desires may be pushed aside. When selecting someone to help you pull your dream day together, choose someone who is determined to help you (as a couple) plan the wedding of your dreams (whether it is laid back or detailed).
As the day approached, I was overwhelmed with how kind people were to us. The ladies at my home church catered the reception. Some of the ladies I had never met! My maid of honor, Lauran, was determined to get there in time for the rehearsal and stay until the reception was winding down, even though it was during one of the busiest weeks in her grad school career. As a whole, we were overwhelmed with people’s generosity and work to make our day special.
One piece of advice we often give couples is this: “On the days leading up to your wedding and on your wedding day, people are going to want to do things for you, buy things for you, and help you out in whatever ways they can. Bless their generosity by letting them do it without refusal. Accept it all and appreciate it – you will never have such wonderful luxury again where all of the attention will be focused on you.” (The only experience close to this happening again is when your first newborn comes; but even then, people do not lavish on you to the extent they did for your wedding.)
Fast forward to our wedding: as my dad and I stood outside the doors of the sanctuary after the rest of the wedding party was in place before making our grand entrance, he asked me the traditional question all dads ask their daughters: “Are you sure you want to do this?” Thankfully, I was sure I wanted to marry Eric and I was glad that I had spent a lot of time, energy, and preparation making sure I really wanted to marry him before our wedding day.
As scary of a question as “Do I really want to marry this person?” may be, it is one that needs to be faced directly – way before slipping into your tux or wedding dress. A broken engagement is painful, but deciding at the altar that you don’t want to get married is not only painful, it’s humiliating for the one left standing there and can be very costly for many people (including out of town/state/country guests). {Eric’s note: This doesn’t mean that a person should go ahead and get married if real objections arise – as it is a vow before the Lord until death – but, such a decision should be worked through many weeks before the bride is about to come walking down the wedding aisle – preferably with substantial premarital counseling.}
Our special day did not go off without a hitch (the music to our growing-up montage on the DVD Eric spent over 50 hours making, carefully crafting the words of the song with the pictures, wouldn’t play; the soloist’s microphone cut in and out; Eric and I both messed up repeating our vows; I forgot to blow out one of the candles in our unity candle; and our pianist poked out the songs one finger at a time; however, we still ended up happily married.
Once the day comes, all the little things don’t seem as important, and the fact that you are married is the only thing that matters. At our reception, Eric’s friend, John, and my friend, Lauran, gave memorable toasts, and I was honored to sing my dad a song for his 50th birthday. At the cake cutting, we thoroughly enjoyed smashing cake into each other’s faces as we didn’t care about the wedding impropriety (we figured we had this to do once and we were going to have fun with it!).
We had a hard time leaving the reception because there were friends and family we knew we wouldn’t see again for a good, long while. But, we finally drove away in our externally decorated car (and I’m very thankful Eric refused to give his car keys to anyone as they wanted to decorate the interior – and many asked!) and headed out of town.
On the way out of town, he told me that he had a gift for me when we reached our destination that night. When we got to the place we were going to stay that night, he handed me a journal he had been working on to give to his future wife – before he knew who she would be. It was very special and after he gave me the book he’d written, I gave him a journal I’d been working on for my future husband. Neither of us knew the other had been planning on presenting a journal like this to each other, so it was very special and somewhat humorous.
Your wedding days will live on forever in your memory. Even when they are not perfectly executed, the important parts stick out in your mind. When planning your wedding, think about what you will want to remember most about your wedding day and focus on making those details as memorable as possible.
If married, how did you celebrate your wedding? If unmarried, how do you want your wedding celebrated?
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