Sometimes I enjoy thinking back to how Eric and I first met – taking a trip down memory lane. It was the first day of the Spring semester at Liberty University. I walked into my new class, Group Dynamics, and did what I always did – I found a seat on the second row like my mother always taught me to do. Sitting on the front row may get you more attention than you want, but on the second row you are still close enough to focus on the professor and to look interested and studious.
After sitting down and getting situated, this exuberant guy I’d never seen before turned around and introduced himself. This was a little shocking to me considering my goal at the time was to remain as inconspicuous as possible. He seemed a little different to me, but in a non-threatening way. So, I continued to sit behind him. After all, he was interesting and because he was so involved in the class discussions, he hid me well.
As the semester moved forward, he asked me to hang out at random times. One time he swung himself around and asked if I wanted to go horseback riding. Even though I’d been hiding behind him for a few weeks, I still didn’t know him and I came up with some excuse not to go. A few weeks later, he asked me if I was interested in Caedmon’s Call. That concert date didn’t happen either. {Eric’s note: I had two backstage passes and wanted to make sure whoever I brought really liked them – and at the time, I didn’t really know Heather… at all!}
After a while, he quit asking me to go anywhere. He still talked to me, but he didn’t show any signs of interest at all. Strangely, I began to miss it… really miss it. The semester was coming to an end and the day before our Group Dynamics final, I called my mom. I told her that Eric had ceased to ask me out and that I was beginning to miss it (I was also mad at myself for missing it). She said, “Let’s just pray that if it’s supposed to happen, he’ll ask you out to a movie or something.” I said, “Okay…,” but I was really thinking, “Yeah right, Mom. Like that’s going to happen.”
The next day was our final. As we waited for the professor to hand them out, Eric and I shot the breeze. Nothing came up about going out or remaining in contact after the class was over. Then, as the papers were being handed out, he swung around in true Eric fashion and said, “You know, we should go to a movie or something” and then swung back around. My mouth hung down to the floor and THEN I had to take a final!
While I wish I could say everything was blissful after this seemingly supernatural moment, our relationship did not begin as the romantic fantasy I expected. Eric’s invitation to the movies was something I was not familiar with at the time – it was an invitation to hang out… as friends! Who does that?
At the time, I’d never been asked previously to hang out with no romantic intentions. In my small world, guys were either interested in you, friends with your male cousins, friends by association, or not involved in your life. We did end up going to the movies and it was while we were there that it occurred to me that Eric was not pursuing me… he was just getting to know me.
It would be over a year before Eric and I would move from friends to more than friends. There were days he would make me laugh, days he would make me mad, and there were painful days. He was 100% Eric, no holds barred, from day one. He never pretended to be anything else. After a year of talking, eating lunch together, discussing our plans for the future, hearing about potential girlfriends of his and me dating someone else, his heart began to change towards me. By then, we knew each other well. There was no need to pretend to be perfect, because we already knew each other’s flaws.
Even though our first few meetings were strange and our romantic relationship began as anything but romantic, I wouldn’t trade that year and a half of getting to know each other. Before Eric, my relationships began with romance, and then we tried to save them with friendship. With Eric, we began with friendship and the romance came when it was time. All that time, we were learning about each other and were developing a strong foundation on which to build a romance. Once we moved from friendship to courtship, I did not wonder how long it would last like I did with the others – I knew it would last.
Everyone’s love story fairytale is a little bit different. If you and your significant other or spouse began your relationship with romance instead of friendship, it is not necessarily doomed to fail. However, switch tracks and primarily concentrate on developing and keeping a friendship throughout your years together. If you are not yet in a relationship, remember to go slowly and get to know each other as friends first when the time comes. The best love stories grow out of strong friendships and good friends make the best spouses. Spend your energy investing in friendships and let love grow from there. Such relationships have stronger roots and are much less stressful in the long-run.
How well do you know your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancé/fiancée, or spouse? Tell us your story!
(Continue to Part II: Talk About Getting Married, Our Story)
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