Today’s blog is going to rally against what you often hear American culture telling you: you do not determine your life calling. “What do you mean? I can be anything I want!!!” That is true, but God’s rules for marital roles have a lot to say about what you should do….
Men, I’ll address your situation further below; however, first I’ll address the ladies. Proverbs 31 is clear about the requirements for a godly wife and I will be the first to admit that I have failed miserably in that area. However, through the grace of God, He is teaching me to be a godlier wife as the days, weeks, months, and years pass. I have seen improvement in myself as my husband has seen improvement in me in this area. Just as a child grows and falls a few times and he or she begins to walk, a wife is also going to encounter bumps and make mistakes along the way; but, the woman who is devoted to pleasing the Lord and obeying His Word will surely flourish in her role as wife and mother of the home.
With that said, I believe that, biblically, a wife’s primary ministry is to her husband. This means that if she is involved in music ministry, children’s ministry, women’s ministry, and the soup kitchen, but fails to be home and available to her husband with her best energy… she is likely not in the perfect will of God. (We discussed women working inside or outside of the home in this previous post.)
Ladies, take a few minutes to review Proverbs 31:10-31. This passage for what a virtuous woman can do is a tall order, is it not? I have always marveled at the hard work and devotion this woman had to her family and, even more so, to the Lord. What an amazing commitment! In all my years, I don’t know if I have ever worked that hard in a single day! Here is my question to you: Is the man you are considering marrying someone to whom and with whom you would want to minister for the rest of your life?
Remember, when you get married, after the Lord, your primary ministry is to your husband. This means that if your husband completely ignores you, you are still called to minister to him. If your husband is a workaholic or spends all of his time playing video games, you are still called to minister to him before ministering to anyone else, even your children. Once you say, “I do” and make a covenant before the Lord, he is yours for the ministering. So, before you enter a lifelong covenant (which is an idea truly hard to fully comprehend for those entering into marriage for the first time), ask yourself with all sincerity, “Will I be a blessed woman to have the opportunity to minister to this man for the rest of my life?”
This is not to say that God won’t bless your faithfulness in ministering to an unkind or neglectful man; however, a Godly husband, one that puts his family above everything – but his own relationship with Christ – will be a man that blesses his wife and makes her excited to minister to him. Is your man one whom you can wake up next to each day and be truly excited to honor and respect with your time, attention, and body? Spend some time in fervent prayer and ask God whether he is the one to whom you should be committing your life in ministry – where he goes is where you’ll go.
As promised above, I didn’t forget about you gentlemen! God has a specific calling on each of your lives. You may have heard your parents say, “You can be and do anything you want.” Unfortunately, this does not bear with reality. My husband could never be a football legend; whereas, I could never be a wrestling superstar – no matter how much we worked at it… it’s just not who we are and not how we’re built. Fortunately, God has gifted each of us with specific talents and drives. My husband is fond of saying, “You can’t be anything you want, but you can be excellent at something… now, go find out what that is and serve people with it!” (Proverbs 22:29)
If you have been regenerated (i.e., justified and in the process of sanctification), He will be faithful to complete the work through you that He has called you to do. Is the woman you are considering marrying someone you can see being a blessing to your calling and family for the rest of your life? Is this a woman in which you would be able to place your full confidence to raise your children, keep your home as a haven of rest and peace, advise you, and cover you in prayer?
Unless the Lord calls your wife home to be with Him earlier than you expect, you will likely only have one helpmate in life. It is important not only to ask yourself if you love her – we can love people we should not marry – but does she have the traits and character to help you in your calling to the fullest? This may not be something you can immediately discern, but make sure to make it a matter of intentional and fervent prayer to be sure of this before your engagement proposal.
Above, I’ve listed that both males and females should be in fervent prayer about their selection of spouse as it is a big deal. Whether you are single, dating, or engaged, make sure to spend some time in prayer… and make sure to get an answer as well – marriage and life is too long to go into this without God’s blessing.
Marriage, as much as we’d like to think it is about us and our needs, is primarily to please, glorify, and honor God. Before deciding to marry, a couple should contemplate, together and apart, how they can serve God better together than apart. As my great-grandmother said to my grandmother and my dad before they each were married, “This is a lifetime business. It’s not together today and separated tomorrow.” Marriage is one of the primary means you will have to honor God in your lifetime – so, honor Him well.
In your selection of spouse, are you considering the calling that God has on your life? Is the person to whom you are dating or engaged suitable and complementary to that calling?