I remember being young and shy. I remember not knowing what to say to the girls who made my heart flutter. I remember the nervousness I had when talking to them or calling them on the phone. So, at that time, was I ready for a dating relationship? No, I wasn’t. Why is that…?
Women who I’ve talked to in discussing what they are looking for in a mate said that they wanted a strong man, a man of integrity, a man who has a sense of purpose and direction, someone who wants to provide for his wife, is willing to work hard, and a man who will fight for what is right. Women, am I right? (comment below)
When I was a teenager, I wrote down what I was going to say to the girl I was calling so that I would have a visual verbal guide to reduce my nervousness. Is that the picture of strength and boldness she was looking for? lol No… it wasn’t. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t become that man in the future, it’s just that I wasn’t ready and mature at that time – and if I could have gone back in time and advised myself, I would have told myself: “Don’t worry about dating so much. Spend time maturing, learning, and growing into the man that she (whoever she is) will want to be with someday. She’ll come in her timing and God’s timing.”
So, when are guys ready to date? If you’re not that bold man filled with integrity at this time, then you’re not yet ready. That’s okay, start – or continue – training. Seek out opportunities to work hard, serve, learn, and if a situation comes along where a woman’s honor should be defended – then defend it.
But what if you’re interested in a girl now? What do you do? Try this on for size: Ask her father what you can do to learn about her and win her heart. “Are you kidding me?!? Do you know how scary that would be?” That’s okay, not everyone is ready to fight for and win the heart of a woman. Remember, loving her is about seeking her best interests and her needs above your own; so, if you’re really interested in her, then approach her father and tell him so. Ask him what he would recommend that you do – after all, he has a vested interest in making sure that his daughter is protected and wants to know that the guy that eventually will sweep her off of her feet loves her just as much as he does.
The best biblical series I’ve ever gone through in learning how to become a man is by Robert Lewis and titled: The Quest for Authentic Manhood. In this course, he creates a no-nonsense definition of what it is to be a man that you can firmly grasp. If you can find a course near you – or can convince your church leadership to host it for a group of men, I would *strongly* encourage you to go through it. It is well worth the time and investment to do so.
Ok, I was actually surprised by how strange this article is lol. This is a VERY outdated way of dating! I would feel disrespected and flat out uncomfortable if somebody who was interested in me asked my father first – is my father going to be the one dating this guy? Nope. He should work up the courage to talk to me, and if he can’t, then too bad for him. If a guy ever talked to my father to learn about me, not only would I be weirded out – I would immediately blacklist him and write him off as old fashioned and a bit of a loser.
Also, as a woman, I don’t necessarily want a “strong man” to “provide” for me – I just want a smart, accomplished, confident guy. A guy confident enough to be honest about his feelings, not act all macho because he thinks that’s what I want. I want a guy that is brave enough to be himself.
Isa, thank you for your comment! Biblical expression of romance is often considered old-fashioned by modern-day feminist-leaning women – and, that is understandable, but we don’t evaluate a concept as bad just because it is old (in fact, old concepts which stand the tests of time are often more reliable and effective than new, untested concepts). Though, I did not say anything about the guy not approaching the woman at all – I said that in order to learn more about her, he can (and should) ask her father. (Of course, this is given that she and her father have a good relationship.) And we too believe that men should be authentic and honest about who they are to their lady (and not be the forced macho stereotype you insinuated in your comment).
But, we also believe that men and women have distinct roles in marriage – neither is better or worse, just different. Take a pitcher and catcher in a baseball game. Without either, the game would not function very well. If the pitcher tried to take over the catcher’s role, the game wouldn’t progress. If the catcher tried to take over the pitcher’s role, each pitch would be a wild ball. Which is more important? The pitcher or catcher? Neither is more important – they both have the same importance, yet are distinct in their roles. Such is the same with husband and wife.
We also believe that the Bible better guides men and women how to relate together than contemporary culture does. All you have to do is look at the success rate (or, the lack thereof) of contemporary culture to see that it is broken due to so many divorces and heartaches. Perhaps it is time to go back to what God instructs in the Bible as the old, time-tested methodologies taught there will ultimately bring more love and peace into your life. Grace be with you.