When I was younger, I was obsessed with the idea of getting married. At the time, I was not ready for marriage, which I knew; but, I was obsessed with worrying that he – whoever he was – would never come. What would I do if he never came? Yesterday, all of those feelings came back to my mind; and after six years of marriage, it seems silly to me that I spent all that time worrying when God, in His perfect plan, showed up at just the right time.
Shortly after getting married, I started thinking about having babies. This is not uncommon for many women; but, after waiting to be a mother for a few years, I started to worry again. What if I never have children? What will happen to me if I’m never a mom? As these thoughts fill me from time to time, I’m reminded of the years that I prayed for a spouse. God did not fulfill that dream when I wanted Him to, but in retrospect, He fulfilled it right on time. The Bible tells us that wanting children are good, natural, and godly desires; therefore, I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting them so badly.
Understanding the above principle is essential; yet, there is another element that I can’t seem to ignore. In the past few years, I have found myself wanting children to the point of excluding good things from my life. There have been times I’ve stayed away from my peers (who have children) because I was embarrassed to be childless. It seems like every married person my age has children, so I felt like I had nothing to offer the group. When I’d hear of other women becoming pregnant, I fought anger in my heart. As much as I wanted to be happy for them, I found myself crying and asking, “Why is it not my turn?!?”
This past year, God has done a true work in my heart. I know He is far from finished with me in this area, but He has given me a few realizations: He’s shown me, through various instances, that He really does have my best interest at heart; that He loves me more than any Earthly parent could ever love a child; that He has not forgotten me; and, just as He did for the timing of my marriage, He has a perfect plan in action for the desires I have.
He’s brought other people’s children into my life and allowed me to enjoy them and to learn from watching them. He’s also allowed me to see this season in my life as a gift. But honestly, my lack of having children still hurts some days more than others. However, I remember that there are goals I can accomplish for Him during this season of life that I won’t be able to do after He blesses me with children. I continue to be reminded that His plan is perfect and He is never late. Overall, He’s taught me not to allow my good and godly desires to make me discontent due to timing.
Where are you right now? Are you focused on wanting something so much that it is clouding your thoughts and decisions? Is that consuming desire keeping you from striving hard after Christ and His will for your life? Do you find people avoiding you because all of your energy is focused on what you don’t have? Both marriage and singlehood are gifts; yet, sometimes we don’t realize certain seasons are gifts until they have passed. Take some time and think about the season of life in which He has you for now and what you could do now that would be more difficult in a later season of life. Surrender your desires to Him and get lost in serving Him. He will take care of you and give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).
How do you handle life seasons of waiting?