Over a year ago, I sat down to write a blog on the fantasy of marriage while my golden retriever puppy, Ramsey, whined her fluffy little head off. It was almost impossible to concentrate on writing due to her relentless screams for attention. She made it clear who she thought was in charge! ~smile~ In the post, I made a profound comparison….
At the time, I compared the fantasy of bringing home a perfect, adorable puppy to the fantasy I once had of bringing home a perfect, adorable husband. In the same way that my dream of owning a perfect blonde doggie died when I brought home a stubborn, disobedient puppy, my fantasy of having a perfect marriage died when I realized I was married to an imperfect man (and that maybe he was married to an imperfect woman).
Almost a year and a half later, I am happy to report that as I type this, my adult golden retriever is lying down beside me, panting and smiling. Why is she lying down beside me? Because I told her to… and now that she’s trained, she does what I say… most of the time ~smile~. Are you wondering what I’m trying to say? Does it sound like I’m recommending that you give your marriage a few years and then you’ll have your imperfect spouse trained on command? Not exactly. ~smile~
Training Ramsey was hard work. We went to classes, worked with her constantly, and above all, we had to be consistent. Let’s just say the training Eric did with her stuck more because he is better at consistency than I am! {Eric’s note: I attribute most of the success of Ramsey’s training to Heather though as she worked with her day after day for the first eight months!} However, after months and months of training, she became a joy us. We worked hard to get her used to us and to the rules we set. After she understood her surroundings and our expectations, she became a precious companion. She follows us through the house and plops down near us.
After several years of marriage, Eric and I find more joy in each other than we did at first. We have worked hard to resolve issues, find our niches within our marriage, and appreciate each other’s personalities. In the beginning, our marriage did not reflect my romantic fantasies. Our marriage still does not look like it did in my teenage dreams, but I would say it’s even better – it’s real. Our life together does not revolve around silly fairytales and endless romance. It is a covenantal partnership of two best friends. Just like we had to work hard to train Ramsey, we’ve had to work hard to move our marriage in the direction we wanted to see it grow.
Our marriage is still not perfect. We still disagree. We still hurt each other with occasional harsh words and bad attitudes at times; yet, we have come so far together. We will never live the fantasy I once had, but with a lot of work, prayer, and continual study of each other, we look forward to a fulfilling life together – serving God by helping others prepare for marriage to avoid common pitfalls in those early years and beyond.
(For those who may not know, we do pre-engagement and premarital counseling as well as The (amazing) PAIR Test. Please let us know how we can be of service to you!)
Are you prepared to put in the work a thriving marriage will require?
Leave a Reply