{If you came here in the middle of the story, you may want to start with
Good Friends Make the Best Spouses (Our Story, Part I) first!}
After Eric and I spent a year and a half getting to know each other, moving from being friends to being a couple was easy. Before Eric, I was afraid to date male friends because I was concerned that doing so would wreck our friendship. In some cases, that is true. Randomly dating a friend is a recipe for disaster in many cases. As a teenager, I occasionally dated guy friends because it seemed like the fun thing to do at the time (though, with more commitment than how I would define dating now). He was unattached and I was unattached, so we attached ourselves to each other. We had not spent time talking about life goals, expectations, or future plans. We just wanted to date someone. Dating a friend at random is not the same as dating a friend you have come to know on a deep level and prayerfully considered as a potential mate.
After Eric let me know that his feelings had changed from friendship to something more than friendship, he wanted to have a talk with my dad. At the time, I thought it was kind of strange. After all, didn’t guys only talk to a girl’s dad if they were asking to marry her? Eric wanted to ask my dad if he had his blessing to date (some would say court) me. Needless to say, after my interesting past dating experiences, my dad was not expecting this at all. He gave Eric his blessing and our relationship progressed from there.
During the first few months we were dating, we were not living near each other. It wasn’t until after I graduated from college and moved back home for the summer that Eric realized his feelings for me. So, while I was in New Bern, NC and he was in Lynchburg, VA, we spent countless hours on the phone. We talked about almost everything we could think of, including life goals, dreams, and hopes for a family.
Like every new couple, we spent some time talking about silly nothings, but we spent a lot of time discussing our future and learning more about each other – including what each of us were looking for in a spouse. It was hard at the time, but I’m thankful we had a few months apart so we could focus on talking in a way we probably would not have done if we had never been apart. While I was doing dishes one night that summer, my dad walked in and said, “You’ll be married by this time next year.” It was out of the blue, but he seemed confident.
After a few months of courting (we had been getting to know each other – i.e., dating – for about 1.5 years at the time), we had no doubt that we would be getting married. Less than a month after our relationship changed, he told me that he loved me and that he could see us getting married the following summer. I had already been thinking we would get married the following summer, so I was excited to know that we were on the same page. We knew we would be getting engaged before too long; but, of course, only he knew when.
One of the trials of being a woman is waiting for the proposal. One of the trials of being a man is planning the proposal. As hard as it is to wait for a proposal, I think planning the proposal is harder; so, ladies, give your men some grace if it takes him a little longer than you expect or desire to pop the question. During the time of waiting, he asked me not to wear a ring on my left hand ring finger (as I was accustomed to wearing more rings than I do now).
Before Eric and I knew each other, Eric was in a serious relationship with someone else. He planned on surprising her with a proposal, before discussing marriage with her in depth. At the time, it seemed like the more romantic way to go. By telling a woman he intended to marry her before proposing to her, he thought it would take some of the thrill away from the proposal. Thankfully (for me), after he got to know this woman a little better, he decided it would not work out between them and they broke up.
After that experience, he realized that it is far wiser to progress in a relationship and talk about getting married before proposing. Both parties need to pray and seek the Lord on their relationship and talk about marriage and what wedded life would look like together. A proposal can be so exciting when it comes out of the blue that a “YES!” can fly out of a woman’s mouth before she has time to really think about the decision. When a woman knows her boyfriend intends to propose sometime in the future, she has that time beforehand to pray and seek the Lord about what her answer should be. Knowing that the day was coming filled me with excitement and I looked forward with anticipation to the day I could say, “We’re engaged!”
Assuming you’ve been together in an exclusive, committed relationship for at least six months, have you started talking about marriage and what you are looking for in a spouse with your boyfriend/girlfriend?
(Continue to Part III: Detail Your Engagement Story, Our Story)
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