Pre-Engagement and Premarital Counseling Services

Whether you are dating and considering engagement, or already engaged, our main goals in working with you are to help you gain clarity and peace of mind in your decision about marriage and to help you prepare for a healthy, loving, and lasting marriage.

Are you interested in pre-engagement or premarital counseling?

Through working with couples for over a decade, we have found the best time to seek relationship counseling is before the decision to marry has been made. Once that decision is made, it often sets off a chain of events: announcing to family and friends, booking venues, creating and sending invitations, and food tastings, as well as a mental shift that this other person is going to be my future spouse. This chain of events is not bad in and of itself, but it does remove much of the objectivity one has about the other in the relationship. For couples who have not set off that chain of events and who work through a pre-engagement counseling program, they are able to view themselves, each other, and their future together with much more objectivity and analyzing whether the other person is a good long-term match for them (versus being clouded by the normal emotions accompanying a finalized decision). In pre-engagement counseling, we’re primarily seeking to help the couple answer this question: “Given our dynamics, are we well-matched partners?”

But, what about couples who are already engaged? If you are already engaged, you will, however, still gain much from this coaching experience! The decision to study and prepare for your upcoming marriage is very wise whether you begin before or after engagement. A premarital counseling focus is simply different and the benefits to premarital counseling are still significant when the couple is planning to walk down the aisle. In premarital counseling, we’re primarily seeking to help the couple answer this question: “Now that we are committed to each other, how do we make our future marriage work well?”

Why should you engage with pre-engagement or premarital counseling?

If you apply yourselves, pre-marriage counseling will be one of the most valuable and enriching experiences of your life. We have designed this program to help you uncover many new details about the other person – or, it may also confirm some of your understanding about the other person. Many couples discovered that completing a thorough pre-marriage program provides a greater sense of clarity and peace in deciding on marriage; or, if already engaged, clarity and peace in heading toward marriage. Additionally, many of our couples have been astounded by how much they learned about themselves in the process as well. This program also serves as an opportunity to investigate if you, yourself, are ready for marriage (and what that readiness looks like).

You may also be interested in reading these two articles we’ve written to more fully answer why and how a couple should engage in this process:

Some couples hire us because they wonder if they should continue their relationship; whereas, others couples hire us to see if the person they are dating is well-matched for them, or even if it is the right timing to get engaged; whereas, other couples already know they want to marry and want to go through a comprehensive program to help them prepare to have a vibrant, healthy marriage. In any of these cases, our packages will be beneficial to you.

What is important to know about our services?

Our services and packages are based on Biblical principles. As taught in the Bible, we believe that the institution of marriage was created by God to glorify God. Since He created it, we believe that no one knows how to make marriages successful better than Him; and, He provides guidance how to have a successful marriage in His Word. We assist by making God’s principles for marriage applicable for biblically-defined relationships. Therefore, our curriculum is primarily suited for Christian couples; however, we are open to working with any couple who recognizes we will use biblical principles in our packages and agrees to receiving such counsel.

Which services does PreEngaged offer?

The way we primarily work with couples is through the comprehensive, biblically-principled, pre-marriage coaching packages we have developed from one month to four months in length. Each package provides significant value and you can learn more about each package by clicking these links below:

Our program will help you learn to understand your relational differences, resolve current issues, and provide a forecast of what a future marriage would look like – both the joys and the difficulties – so that you can be prepared for when they come, or even learn to avoid the obstacles altogether! (How much would that be worth to you?)

We meet with our couples remotely which provides increased accessibility, convenience, privacy, comfort, cost-effectiveness, flexibility, and anonymity.

Frequently Asked Questions and Important Considerations

The following contains important information, and questions asked, about our services.

Have your clients been successful in their relationships after working with you?

We have enjoyed watching many of our couples grow in just a short time. We’ve worked with couples dealing with issues of communication, trust, financial insecurity, anger, and intense relational doubt and have seen them grow tremendously in the short time we worked with them. Many of the couples with whom we have worked are currently enjoying successful marriages, others are in the process of planning their weddings, and others have a healthier dating relationship.

However, some couples decided to end their relationship as a result of what they discovered about each other in the program. Yet, we also consider this a success. If our program shines light into a relationship which has difficulty overcoming differences and the couple sees that the relationship will not likely work well long-term, we are helping to prevent a future divorce. Couples who have broken up, though a painful experience, have also thanked us for our services in helping them to understand their relational realities and have even returned for our services later with their new relationships.

How much time and effort will this program require?

There is no minimum or maximum amount of time; rather, you will get out of the program what you put into it. For couples who have put significant effort into completing the program’s work, they have consistently commented that the program was a great blessing to them. For couples who put in minimal time and effort into completing the program’s worth (or, if only one person is trying to work on it and the other person is not bought into the process), they have consistently found the program was less helpful for them. Again, we often tell couples that they will get out of the program the effort they put into it. Therefore, we encourage our couples to ensure the time they want to put into the program is available to them before they begin.

Can the packages or program be personalized?

The program provides a significant amount of personalized content and also off-the-shelf content for the couple to work through. Using the content as a basis for most sessions, the couple identifies which topics they most want to discuss with us in the time we have together in session. Therefore, most sessions are personalized toward what the couple desires to discuss with us and we prepare for those sessions with the client’s desired topics in mind.

We strongly recommend each couple do as much of the program as they are able and in the order we recommend. However, if the couple has alternate desires, we will certainly work with each couple to provide additional personalization as requested.

Why should we get counseling before we are engaged? We plan to seek premarital counseling once we are engaged.

We strongly recommend going through the pre-marriage counseling process before committing to each other through engagement. We have found that once a couple is engaged, many couples are not as comfortable honestly discussing topics for fear that doing so may take away from their happiness of the engagement period. Engagement can be so much more freeing once the counseling is completed and many issues have been discussed and resolved.

Some couples have commented they were so happy to get to the root of their problems early so they could resolve them before entering their season of engagement. Even our clients who did not feel they had relational issues found issues they needed to work on and were thrilled to enter engagement with the relationship tools to make their relationship a life-long success.

Why would working with PreEngaged be better than a local church offering premarital counseling at a cheaper price, or even free?

At this critical time in your life, you should carefully consider your various options. Before we were married, we went through two premarital counseling programs – one which was low in cost and one which was free. Knowing what we now know, this program we have developed would have helped us much, much more.

There is a large difference between premarital counseling and premarital education (or discussion facilitation) about relationships; unfortunately, most of the time, premarital education programs are called “premarital counseling.” We have elements of premarital education in our curriculum; however, when counseling issues arise (depending on the severity), we are able to dynamically shift and address those as well due to our professional training and experience.

The positive feedback we have received from our clients with our blend of education and counseling has shown that our program is meeting our clients’ needs. Many clients have said that they received more from the counseling experience than they expected. This process will also teach you how to successfully communicate with your future spouse for years to come. With the many years ahead of you, we guarantee this process is worth your investment based on the feedback we’ve received from our couples throughout the years.

We want to prepare for a healthy marriage and avoid problematic relational potholes! We’ve read and understand the above and we’re ready or would like to know more about your services! How do we learn more about working with you?

Please review the current packages we offer and complete the process on the package you select!

Addressing Specific Circumstances

We are young and plan to become engaged in a few years. Is it too early for pre-engagement counseling?

We recommend pre-engagement counseling once you are seriously considering engagement or if you are having significant difficulties in your relationship that you want to work through before considering engagement.

Note that studies show the divorce rate for people marrying at 21 or 22 years of age is 40% to 50% higher than for people marrying at 25 years of age; and 80% higher than for people marrying at 28 years of age or older. This does not mean that everyone who marries before the age of 25 is doomed, but if either of you are younger than 25 years old, it is strongly recommended that you both sincerely seek counsel – and be honestly open to input – before deciding to marry.

We are living together, but are not yet engaged. Since we see each other daily, do we still need pre-marriage counseling?

Research has shown that couples who cohabitate before marriage have an 80% higher divorce rate than those who did not. Pre-marriage counseling will still be beneficial, but know that our advice will be based upon God’s Word (which does not endorse cohabitation). We would advise you to stop cohabitating and return to healthy pre-marriage behavior until marriage and can explain why in session.

We have broken up a few times, but are back together and want to make the relationship work. Should we go through pre-engagement counseling, or wait until we are engaged to seek counsel?

Continuing to break up and get back together is a strong, negative pattern in a relationship. We strongly recommend seeking counsel before engagement and marrying to work through why either, or both, of you are not dealing with and resolving whatever the real issues are.

We have been struggling and are ready, or almost ready, to end the relationship. Should we consider pre-engagement counseling before making our final decision?

We recommend giving your relationship at least six months before seeking pre-engagement counseling unless you are planning to marry before a year of dating is completed.

If you want to give your relationship every possible advantage, we recommend pre-marriage counseling. Note that the program is not designed to help couples find reasons to stay together; however, pre-marriage counseling is designed to help couples look at their relationships from different points of view so they can make an informed decision about whether to pursue engagement or continue the relationship. It is easier to work through issues when an objective, third party helps to shine light on the actual issues and provides mediation for the couple to start working through those issues. Note, however, that our services are not designed to be therapy (healing and resolving past trauma) but is relationship coaching (helping you get from where you are to where you want to be).

My significant other doesn’t want to go through pre-marriage counseling. How can I convince him or her?

It is not uncommon to be apprehensive about discussing personal issues with others. While discussing the topic of pre-engagement or premarital counseling with your partner, find out why he or she is reluctant to engage in this process.

If he or she is ultimately unwilling to consider pre-engagement or premarital counseling, this itself may provide insight into his or her willingness to address problems in your relationship and future marriage.

I’m having doubts about our relationship – should we still come?

Absolutely! We have worked with couples who were having doubts about their relationships. Several were able to work through their situations and are enjoying healthy relationships. Others decided that it would be best to part ways. It is so much better to explore your doubts before marriage as they will not likely cease after you marry until they are worked through or resolved. The more you know about yourself and your potential spouse before you marry, the easier your transition into marriage will be.

Our friends think we’re crazy for seeking counseling before engagement. Can you tell us why you consider pre-engagement counseling so important?

If your friends think you are crazy, it is probably because they have not heard of many (or any) people going through relational counseling before engagement. Some believe that going to counseling is a sign of weakness; however, in the case of pre-engagement counseling, the counseling is preventative, not corrective or reparative.

The process of marriage does not begin at the wedding; rather, it begins when a couple starts dating and then decides to become engaged. Once a couple is engaged, they are thrown into a whirlwind of decisions – where to live, when and where to have the wedding, how much to spend on the wedding, etc. At this crazy and blissful time, premarital counseling is often another item on the “wedding to do” list instead of a meaningful process. Beginning the counseling process before engagement can ensure that important issues are covered before you both become engrossed in wedding planning, venue hunting, dress buying, cake making, and invitation sending.

I’m ready to get engaged, but my boyfriend/girlfriend is not. Should we seek counsel to work through this disagreement?

When a person is ready to be married often has to do with age, maturity level, level of personal responsibility, and ability to unconditionally serve one’s spouse. If you have been together for more than a year and this is a disagreement you have had for a considerable amount of time, we suggest working with us to determine if you and your boyfriend/girlfriend can get to the root issue of why he or she is shying away from marriage.

We’ve read every relationship book on the market. How can you tell us things we don’t already know?

Counseling is not simply instructing or teaching. We could give you a lot of helpful facts to tuck away, but instead we will engage you in a number of processes that will help put those ideas into practical daily use. Past clients have informed us that the materials we assigned are good; yet, the personal counseling was the main process which helped their relationships and, later, marriages.

I have a question that wasn’t addressed on this page, how can I get an answer?

If you have any questions which are not addressed above, please contact us!

In the meantime, please check out our counseling services to see if our services are a good match for your needs.