Today, I have been power-cooking and power-cleaning! Tomorrow, I leave for a few days to help my sister-in-law out after her surgery; so I’ve been trying to prepare food for Eric to eat while I’m gone and get the house in decent order since my father-in-law will be visiting next weekend. It is an awesome privilege to be able to provide a little help and company to my sister-in-law during this time. I’m sure if the roles were reversed, I would want her help and company. Plus, she’s such a sweetheart; it’s a pleasure spending time with her!
As I am preparing to leave, I am reminded of what a great guy I get to call husband. While he will miss me (I hope!), he is more than willing to let me go spend time with someone else. When we got married, he did not expect me to quit spending time with my single friends and he’s been gracious with me spending time outside of the house on numerous occasions. This may not seem unusual to some of you but if you’ve ever dated a possessive person, I’m sure you understand why this is a blessing! Some spouses expect an unattainable level of devotion. They expect their husbands and wives to always be home with them unless they are at work. This could be due to fear of affairs, a fear of being alone, or it could just be a misunderstanding of the roles of husbands and wives.
In the beginning of your relationship, having a possessive boyfriend or girlfriend may seem sweet. You may think that this person just wants to be around me all the time! They can’t get enough of me! Please note that if your girlfriend or boyfriend cannot handle being apart from you, it will get old – fast. Not only will it get old, but it could potentially become violent. Remember, we are on our best behavior when we are dating. We may not realize it while dating, but studies show that we reveal much more of who we really are after we are married and settled into our lives together.
If your sweetheart is guilting you for wanting to spend time with friends or not understanding that you need a night to yourself here and there, you are likely heading for trouble. After the newness of the relationship wears off, you are going to feel smothered. You may find yourself fantasizing about how to end the relationship, but have no idea how to get away from this person. Some skilled manipulators have talked reluctant boyfriend and girlfriend couples into getting married.
If you and your significant other generally choose to spend your time together, that’s not necessarily bad and it certainly isn’t unusual. However, if your boyfriend or girlfriend feels the need to be with you at every moment, you may want to seriously consider ending the relationship. If it continues into marriage, you can expect to be continuously manipulated, smothered, and questioned.
In college, I dated a guy that had to be with me at all times. He e-mailed me first thing in the morning. As soon as he got out of class (depending on who got out of class first), he called me to hang out. He had to be with me up until curfew, and then, not five minutes after I got into the dorm, he’d call my room. My friends were concerned and they rarely got to see me. In our short relationship, he stayed constantly jealous and insecure if I was not at his beck and call.
Since I was in college, I did need to study, but I was not finding time to do that either because I allowed him to monopolize my time. My grades began slipping and I remember crying out in frustration when I did not have the time to study for exams. Had the relationship been healthy, he would have encouraged me to spend time with my friends and also spend adequate time studying. Less than a month after I broke the relationship off, he was dating someone else… and, in six months, he was married.
Eric and I began dating a several months after I ended this relationship and the difference was night and day. The freedom was amazing. This is not to say that he happily sent me off with other guys, but he did not have a problem when I wanted time with others and time alone if I needed it. To this day he never begrudges me my down time. ~smile~
Is your boyfriend or girlfriend smothering you? Do you feel pressured to spend all of your time tending to his or her needs?