Is He or She Too Good to be True?

The beginning of a new relationship can leave you feeling like you’re walking on air and in the clouds. I recall that feeling well. You’re just starting to get to know a person and your relationship has just hatched. There haven’t been any fights yet and everything he or she says sounds witty and brilliant. Not only that, but there is a feeling inside of you that makes you tingle and feel like you’re flying. In the beginning it’s easy to wonder, “Is there anything wrong with this amazing person?”

Yes… yes there is. There are many flaws in that amazing person you are getting to know. Some of his or her faults may not bother you at all, but some faults will surface that are likely to drive you crazy. Like the old saying goes, if it is too good to be true, then it probably is – and if your boyfriend or girlfriend seems too good to be true, just give him or her a little time to show his or her true colors. ~smile~

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that he or she is going to turn into a horrible monster (though I have seen that happen with some people); but, I am saying to enjoy this stage in your relationship without pushing for making quick marriage decisions. Getting married in this phase of your relationship can be compared to buying a car after only seeing the outside. It may be bright and shiny, but the interior may be stained and ripped, and the engine may need expensive repairs. Once you have time to examine each other in an array of situations, you will then be a lot closer to understanding the reality of being married to each other.

We all have faults. No matter who you marry, you will marry a sinful, imperfect person. If he or she were perfect, you wouldn’t deserve him or her. ~grin~  Allowing your relationship to move past the intoxicating dating stage into the deeper courting stage before deciding to get married shows wisdom. If you are in a hurry to get married before the new feelings fade, ask yourself: why? Are you concerned that he or she may not be interested in marrying you after getting to know the real you? Are you afraid that you may find problems with his or her character? As hard as it may be to believe at this stage in your life, it is easier to know the difficult details about the other person before you get married than to discover them after marriage.

The stages in your dating relationship that follow that beginning euphoric stage will probably still include a lot of excitement and cuddly emotion. The difference is that you have had time see the entire package inside and out and not just the beautiful wrapping on the outside (and by “entire package” I do *not* mean the intimacy biblically reserved for married couples).

However, in many relationships, couples do not adequately prepare for marriage and *really* get to know each other well. They assume that life will just work out, that they’ll be able to work through anything, or that they do know each other well (when they really do not yet). Eric and I wholeheartedly recommend good pre-engagement counseling and premarital counseling to work through those issues before marriage – to find the potholes early in your relationship so you can work on the problematic areas before marriage instead of hitting them and getting a flat tire after marriage.

If you still get giddy when you see your boyfriend or girlfriend, that doesn’t mean you are not ready to get married. ~smile~ However, just be sure you have gotten to know each other at your best and at your worst. How does he act when he’s sick? How does she react when her plans are cancelled? How does he treat his mom? How does she treat her dad? By gathering a lot of information about each other, you’ll be able to answer the question: is he or she too good to be true?

When Eric and I were planning to get married, Mom told me that the lovey dovey feelings we had for each other would eventually subside and that the love we had for each other would deepen. At the time it sounded a little scary to think that he and I wouldn’t want to hug each other every three minutes. Now that we’ve been married a while, I know that she was right. The new car smell has worn off, but because of our commitment to each other and our willingness to work through the hard times, our love for each other has grown and matured. It has developed into a warm, supportive, fulfilling partnership for which I am very thankful.

How well do you and your sweetheart know each other?