When something is weighing heavily on my mind, I cannot wait to talk about it with Eric. Whether it’s a good idea I have, something I want to do, or something that is causing me worry, I look forward to sharing my mind with my husband. So picture this potential scenario:
Eric’s been working with no breaks all day. Two people demand something of him at the end of the day. The air conditioning in his office broke down early that morning and he has been sweating all day. To make matters worse, he forgot his lunch bag and has not eaten a morsel since breakfast. While all this is going on, I am at home thinking about all the parts of my car that need fixing, my friend in California that just asked me to fly out for her wedding, an unexpected bill that came in the mail, and the three charities that called asking for a donation.
All day long my mind has been consumed with my issues. Because of this, my brain is at its boiling point and I can’t wait for him to walk through the door so I can share all my thoughts with my beloved – the one I’m sure who cannot wait to hear my every care and concern.
Can you feel the storm brewing?
Longing for rest, relaxation, and refuge, Eric wearily drags himself home and who is waiting for him? The Energizer Bunny on high speed! He opens the door and there I am with a spatula in my hand and a wild look in my eye. Before he can close the door I’ve already shot him with fourteen different topics. Not knowing what he’s gone through at work (because I was too overwhelmed to remember to ask), I mistake his long, blank stare as indifference when it’s really shell shock. He’s had a terrible day and instead of being greeted by his adoring, pleasant wife, he gets beaten over the head with questions, worries, and possible scenarios before he has a chance to take off his shoes.
So, what’s the moral of the story? Don’t bombard your future spouse. Learn well how to say hello in a way that will be appreciated. Men, and some women (me included), often need a few minutes to wind down after work before being met with another set of problems. When I worked outside the home, I would usually get home from work about 30 minutes before Eric, which gave me a nice little mental break.
However, if I wasn’t careful, I would attack him as soon as he walked into the door. Just consider the first 15-30 minutes after your spouse gets home his or her rest and relaxation time. If there is a litany of items that need discussing, hold off until he or she has changed clothes (if that is normally done), sat down, and mentally detoxed for several minutes. Unless the topic is an emergency – a true emergency – it can usually wait.
Giving your future spouse that much needed rest after returning from work will be a huge blessing to your future marriage. The tone in the house when a husband or wife gets home from work also sets the stage for the rest of the night. If you or your spouse comes home into a sanctuary of peace, it is likely that you can enjoy a peaceful home throughout the evening. If you are met with stress and craziness upon coming home, a negative tone is set for your night.
Remember that one of the highlights of marriage relationships is having that special person there to comfort you at the end of hard days. So, be an instrument of comfort in your future spouse’s life. If you’re not already accustomed to it, begin a habit now of giving each other some time for rest and mental detoxification after work before throwing out ideas, worries, and potential projects.
How do you normally greet your boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you approach him or her calmly, or do you open fire on him or her as soon as they come to the door or answer the phone?