Thank you, Katie, for meeting with us and letting us interview you! This hindsight interview was unique in that Katie is one of our less obvious success stories! Katie and her previous boyfriend (who we are calling “Brett”) met with us several years ago and decided to part ways. In the video below, she will talk about her relationship with Brett, what she learned along the way, how her previous relationship impacted her marriage, and other insights we hope you find encouraging and helpful!
Katie is now a stay-at-home wife and mother of three wild and wonderful little boys ages 5, 3, and 1. And, when it is in session, she works part-time security for Liberty University. We had a great time catching up with her and we believe her experience will be a blessing to you!
Highlights from the interview:
What brought Brett and Katie to us?
- About ten years ago, Brett and Katie were considering marriage, so they decided to meet with us a few times to see if marriage might be a good step for them.
- Though it did not end as she expected, she sees her pre-engagement counseling experience as a success.
The PAIR Test
- Katie recalls taking the PAIR Test with us and still remembers the benefit of it showing where their personalities meshed and other areas of concern such as handling finances and different interests.
- Note that all interests need to be the same, but it is very helpful when couples have several shared interests before getting married.
Though Katie and Brett decided to part ways, she learned what she needed in a spouse personality-wise.
- Being an enneagram type 1 (a driven planner who has trouble sitting still), she learned that she needed balance in a calm and laid-back partner (which she found in her now-husband).
- She also needed someone who enjoyed just hanging out and spending quality time together.
Why was Katie drawn to Brett?
- “The reason I got into the relationship is because I admired him so much. I really respected him. ‘He loves truth. He loves justice.’ But I learned that just respecting or admiring someone is not enough in a relationship to end up married.”
- “Your personalities need to be good fits. It needs to be natural.”
Wise advice from Katie’s friend:
- Marriage is already hard, so even though you can make it work with someone different than you, it is so much easier if you marry someone whose personality fits yours.
When asked what she would have done differently in her relationship with Brett:
- Katie noted that she would not have focused so much on marriage as the end goal.
- She was fixated on marriage and could not relax which caused stress in their relationship.
- Her advice for singles when dating is to relax, enjoy it, and just see if it is natural.
If you and your significant other break up, remember…
- Just because it does not work out does not mean there are character defects in you or the other person.
- Sometimes couples simply are not a good match.
- Just because you are not a good match for one person does not mean you are not a great match for someone else.
What helped Katie heal after her breakup?
- Being close to people in her church was helpful.
- Also, exercise was deeply helpful as well.
Check out the full interview for some more great insights, advice, and encouragement!