I often think that if fitness buffs spent just 10 percent of their weekly workout time – say, twenty minutes a day – working on their marriage instead of their bodies, they would get three times the health benefits they derive from exercise class or the treadmill. – Dr. John Gottman The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict an ailing marriage: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling, and Contempt. The worst of these is contempt. – Dr. John Gottman This last quote makes me think of a Scripture passage. “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” (I … [Read more...]
Hindsight Reflection: Twenty Tips Regarding Conflict
“But, God, why?!” If I had a dollar for every time I sat in my car or bedroom, crying and asking God, “Why?”, I could buy a year’s supply of tissues. Eric and I love each other, but despite this love, we have “enjoyed” some memorable arguments! I was not prepared for this fact on our wedding day. I thought I was... but I was not... not at all. I was not prepared for us to lose it on each other in the Winnie the Pooh store, Disneyland (circa 2007). I was not prepared for road rage arguments leading to silent and lonely car trips. I was not prepared for the icy stare of an angry … [Read more...]
Six Tips for Simplifying Apologies
When I was a girl, I dreamed about marriage – like most other little girls. When I was ten, my friends lost me at the beach. When they found me, I had floated down the beach completely immersed in a daydream about my Hawaiian honeymoon. How fun it was going to be cuddling, vacationing, kissing, and other stuff. ~smile~ I simply could not wait. Twelve years after my potentially hazardous floating daydream, I tied the knot in my home church surrounded by family and friends. The fun was just about to begin! It was the time in my life I had anxiously awaited for years. Here we go! On our … [Read more...]
Pearl Harbor Day – Rebuilding After Surprise Attacks in Your Relationship
The number of Americans who can remember the surprise attack at Pearl Harbor is lessening as citizens would have to be in their late 70s or older to recall the event. My grandmother was barely a teenager when this tragedy occurred and hurled the United States into World War II. When I was reviewing facts about the event, this one statement stood out to me: “The Japanese specifically chose to attack on a Sunday because they believed Americans would be more relaxed and thus less alert on a weekend.” – Jennifer Rosenberg It seems that most attacks happen when we are relaxed and not on high … [Read more...]
Tips for the Unhappy Couple
How does a couple go from, “I don’t think I could ever be mad at you...” to, “Does everything have to be hard? You drive me crazy!” Time and unmet expectations can take a once enamored couple over the marriage rapids. The trip begins on smooth waters, and then suddenly couples find themselves holding on for dear life. Sadly, in some cases they get tired of holding on and let the choppy waters thrust them from the relationship. A hundred years ago, young married couples did not have the same perfectionistic expectations of marriage we have today. They expected to work hard. They expected … [Read more...]
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