Relationships can be complicated and the less mature you are, the more complicated they will be. Breaking up and getting back together consecutively is a mistake often made in immature relationships. And immaturity is no respecter of age. There are teenagers who have far exceeded the maturity level of men and women in their fifties. Getting real and growing up is a choice while there are many others who prefer holding on to a childhood mentality into adulthood (2 Timothy 2:22-26).
Why is breaking up and getting back together over and over again a problem? First and foremost, it is a sign that something is broken in your relationship. Secondly, it’s a sign that you and/or your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s way of dealing with problems is to flee from the situation. Not all relationships are meant to make it to marriage, but if your pattern is to break up with someone when problems start to arise, you are practicing for divorce.
There is a strong difference between breaking up with someone because you realize that the partnership is not a good match and breaking up because you and he/she cannot reach resolutions at times when you don’t agree.
If you are not yet married and your relationship is draining you, deflating you, and bringing you and your boyfriend/girlfriend down, ending the relationship is not a sign of failure. If anything, it’s a sign of maturity and thinking long term.
When you hold tight to an unhealthy dating relationship simply because you are afraid of being alone, it is a flashing sign that says “You need some time to heal and learn to be content before entering into another romantic relationship.”
When couples can’t be together, or apart, it shows a lack of commitment, a fear of being alone, and an unhealthy attachment. When you love someone with a deep and committed love, wild horses could not pull you away; so, when I see a person floating in and out of the same relationship my first thought is that this person is waiting for someone better, but is afraid to be alone.
My second thought is that maybe they are emotionally attached to each other because of all the personal issues they have discussed/been through together. Point blank, if two people are committed to each other, they will stop at nothing to make their relationship work. When people jump in and out of the same relationship, one or both of them is not fully committed to the relationship.
Granted, not every dating relationship should be saved. There are many unhealthy relationships that should be put to rest. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, just end it instead of dragging out the inevitable (or worse, getting married and then getting divorced).
Do you have a habit of breaking up with someone and then getting back together? What reasons do you have for going back? Do you find that you miss the good parts of your relationship and the connection you have with this person? Do you go back because you truly believe the relationship could work and should be saved? Before breaking up, do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend try to work through your issues?
If you see that you have a relational pattern of breaking up and getting back together at any sign of trouble, I would strongly urge you to take a break from dating altogether – perhaps six to twelve months. That may sound terrifying, but it is necessary for you to get to the bottom of why you approach relationships in the way that you do. Before you can be truly happy and healthy in a relationship, you need to be happy and healthy alone. (Re-read that last sentence.) Two healthy people together create healthy relationships. One or more unhealthy people in a relationship create unhealthy relationships.
If you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are in a harmful pattern of breaking up and getting back together, take three months apart to pray and soul search. Ask God to show you areas in your life that need growth and areas that need to be healed and left behind (be open if it ends up being the other person…). If after three months you both believe you want to pursue a mature, God honoring relationship, slowly start to see each other again in group settings and with other couples who will spur you onto righteousness, holiness, and purity.
Do you cycle between breaking up and getting back together in your relationships?