A wedding is a celebration of love, a time to publicly declare your intentions to spend the rest of your lives loving each other. A wedding is also a time for every bride to feel like a princess, and let’s face it; it is a time to have a great party too! So what happens after the last piece of cake has been eaten and the last dance has ended? (No, no guys I’m not JUST talking about that…) In Ephesians 5:31, an important verse about marriage, three actions are taking place…
Ephesians 5:31 says: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
There can be challenges in “leave,” but I’ll leave that to another post. I’m focusing on the other two: be and become. These two verbs are very interesting. One, “be united”, indicates a single action, a moment in time, an event. The other, “become one” indicates a process or a journey.
Many couples wrestle with thoughts about, what the rather frightening term, “become one flesh” actually means: Do we have to give up our independence? Or is “one flesh” somehow connected to having sex?
As an excited young groom I was eagerly anticipating the “become one flesh” part of our union. I had in my mind that this simply meant that we got to be naked together and “united”. If I gave a second thought to the “become” part, it was only in my thinking that we got to do it over and over again!!!!! Wooo Hooo!
This view of one flesh persisted well into the first several years of our marriage. It was not until difficulties and the stresses of life started to pull us apart that God challenged us to relook at this journey. It is out of these new discoveries that we started our marriage blog and ministry “One Flesh Marriage”.
If you are engaged, then you are most likely active in planning your “be united” celebration. Costofwedding.com com states that the average couple will spend more than $26,000 and more than 6 months planning for their special “be united” day. What would happen if couples were required to spent the same amount of time and expense in planning and preparing for their “become one flesh” marriage?
A quick look at any of the dozens of bridal magazines around your home will give you a “be united” to do list. There are locations to choose, dresses to shop for, menus to pick, and guests to invite. While the list for “be united” may seem never ending, I promise you it will end. Then the list you may have forgotten, the “become one flesh” list will truly take over for the rest of your lives together.
I would encourage all of you to find a trusted married couple and ask them some questions; ask them to talk about their journey to become one flesh. Ask about what it was like in the first year of marriage dealing with:
- Communication
- Finances
- Conflicts
- Family
- Friends
- Time
- Sex
Start talking about your questions of doing life together and get advice from a couple who has been there. Don’t have a clue who you could ask? Talk to your pastor and see if he can introduce you to someone. {Eric’s Note: You can also work with Heather and I through pre-engagement and/or premarital counseling!}
Don’t leave this important to do list until a year into your marriage. Starting this good communication now will launch your “becoming one flesh” journey in the right direction!
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