When are Girls Ready to Date?

A few weeks ago, my husband wrote a popular post titled: When are Guys Ready to Date? (The Quest for Authentic Manhood). To piggy back off of that, I’m going to discuss how to tell when a girl is ready to date.

When I was younger, it felt like the age of sixteen would never come. For years, I heard my parents say that I couldn’t date until I was sixteen. Personally, I thought I was ready to date at age nine (but, I was obviously wrong). Because I attended church youth groups and other youth activities, I had the ability to have boyfriends, and spend ample time with them, before I was technically old enough to go on an official “date.”

These relationships may have seemed harmless; however, in retrospect, they were not harmless at all. There I was… tall for my age and determined to date older guys – trying to have adult, romantic relationships before I was even old enough to walk the floors of our local hospital unaccompanied by an adult. Like many kids aged twelve, thirteen and fourteen years, I thought I knew all there was to know about relationships and love (or, at least enough). If you had asked me for my opinion on an adult love situation at the time, I would’ve had one. However, the relationships I had ended up in one breakup after another and they began to harden me. I learned to use people, to enter relationships solely for my own comfort and happiness, and to ignore the Holy Spirit’s still small voice beckoning me to wait on His timing.

If I was able to relive those years, I would not have obsessed over having a boyfriend. I would have learned to cook and sew (not simply because I’m female, but because I’m interested in those things). I may have joined a friend on horseback rides. Perhaps, I would have played basketball instead of merely considering, and dismissing, it. Surely, I would have been more serious in my scholastic endeavors and would have listened to my teachers instead of daydreaming about my latest boyfriend. In the twelve years between when I started having boyfriends (and boyfriend drama) and when God sent Eric to me, there is no telling what I could’ve learned… how much I could have prepared for being a wife, who I could have ministered to, and how much I could have grown spiritually.

It’s not surprising that the more people I dated, the more break ups I went through. And as cliché as it sounds, breaking up with multiple people is practice for divorce. “Since this guy doesn’t make me happy anymore, I’ll dump him and move on to the next one.” Or, “because he didn’t like my stance on purity, he dumped me for someone else.” The habit (and developing appetite) of moving in and out of relationships does not automatically break after a person gets married. The influencing dating patterns stay with you. This is not to say that if you have dated a lot of different people in your life that you are automatically heading for divorce (for I would certainly fall into that category); however, I have sadly witnessed a good number of couples fall prey to this pattern after being married a short while. And what was their reason for splitting up? “The other person doesn’t make me happy anymore.” (Serial dating often leads unrealistic expectations of a marriage.)

So, when are girls ready to date? A girl is ready to date when she can positively affirm the following statement: I’m I ready to consider marriage at this time in my life.

If a wonderful, godly man approached your father and told him that he was interested in pursuing you, would you be prepared for the possibility of marrying him within the next year or two? If the answer is no, that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It means you have some more growing, maturing, and learning to do before proceeding toward marriage – and that’s quite alright.

Maybe you don’t know if you are ready to consider marriage yet. Here are a few questions to ask yourself to determine where you are:

• Am I prepared to care for my own home?
• Am I emotionally ready to care for the needs of my husband?
• Am I ready to be a mother? (Children often come sooner than they are expected.)
• Am I satisfied with my level of education? (Education does not have to end after marriage, but sometimes circumstances, such as child rearing, make continuing education difficult.)
• Is my father in agreement that I am ready to consider marriage at this phase in my life?

Perhaps you are thinking, “Dating is supposed to be fun and give you a chance to socialize with the opposite sex!” Yes! Dating can be fun, but it should not be frivolous. Dating is purposeful and pursuing it simply for entertainment is reckless (it often creates a lot of heartache in both sexes along the way).

Socialization with the opposite sex is important, but such activity does not need to be done through romantic relationships. A certain friend of mine comes to mind when I think of how a girl can socialize well with the opposite sex. She had numerous male friends in high school, played sports, was in the school band, worked an after-school job, and was active in her youth group. She did not have a single boyfriend before college, but guys everywhere loved her and enjoyed her company. She was wise with her time and she guarded her heart so as to not put it in any compromising situations. She spent time with guys in groups, laughed with them, prayed for them, and treated them as brothers. She is remembered by many of her friends for her amazing smile and ability to make others feel included. There is no doubt in my mind that she will make an amazing wife to an amazing man someday.

So girl, where does this leave you? It may seem like dating is too far in the future, but don’t be discouraged. Strong odds are that a man will come to enter into a relationship with you – and accompanying that relationship will come much more responsibility. You will be an adult for the majority of your life and you will likely never have this young single season in your life again. So, my advice: Don’t take your singleness for granted. Learn as much as you can; experience as much as you can; dream as much as you can. Above all, pursue godliness and righteousness with all your might. God has your spouse waiting in the wings and he’s growing and maturing to be the man that you want. In the meantime, trust Him to bring your guy in His timing and enjoy your life.

When do you think girls are ready to date?

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