“So, I am back with my ex. Now what?”
Break ups do not always last forever. Sometimes, couples decide to give their romance a second chance. If you are trying to decide whether or not to ease back into a relationship with an ex, check out our previous post, Should I Revive a Relationship with My Ex? and ask yourself those seven important questions in that post before you proceed.
If you are choosing to give your partnership another go, take these four tips and run with them. Give your “new” relationship every advantage you can from the start!
- Start with a COMPLETELY Clean Slate. If you have not totally forgiven each other for previous missteps, do not jump back into a relationship. Some would say you are starting from behind because you already have relationship baggage. After all, you were driven to separate in the first place. However, if you are both committed to resolving your issues and letting go of unforgiveness, you can start fresh. It is not easy, but it can be done. However, do not take the situation lightly. Be sure you are not holding any anger against your ex before you start anew. If you are, the fury will inevitably resurface likely causing history to repeat itself.
- Back Up. Instead of trying to pick up exactly where you left off (which was likely not a very good place considering you broke up), start closer to the beginning. Get to know each other again. Talk about subjects new couples discuss. You will probably learn something new! Keep physical contact at a minimum and really get to know each other as friends. The best marriages come from strong friendships.
- Seek Counsel Together. Whether you see a relationship counselor or seek the help of some trusted mentors, do not leave your relationship unsupported. From the beginning, spend time together with wise people who have a vested interest in you and your future. Take their advice to heart and consider their suggestions.
- Check in with Each Other Often. Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of being blindsided by your sweetheart’s anger – completely out of the blue? This happens a lot between couples who push down their feelings. Maybe Brenda lightly pops the back of your head every time you say something “silly.” At first, it is slightly annoying. Then, it becomes a bigger issue. Suddenly, you become irate when you feel her hand swinging towards you. For months, Brenda has been engaging in this behavior and has no idea anything is wrong until one day you lose it and scream for her to stop disrespecting you. Her tears make you furious! “I get upset with her for repeatedly hitting me and she has the audacity to turn on the water works?! REALLY?!?!” This is why we strongly encourage couples to check in with each other on a consistent basis. It gives both parties the opportunity to discuss what is going right, what is going wrong, and anything that may be bothering either of them. If you and Brenda had met every couple of weeks to clear the air of any issues, you could have mentioned the head smacking situation before you hit your breaking point. Chances are Brenda had no idea it bothered you and will be happy to stop. ~smile~
We wish you grace and peace as you attempt to restore your relationship. We hope you will be wise, take it slow, and let time do its work. There is no need to rush progress. Enjoy each day. Appreciate the stage you are in and do not push for more than your fragile relationship is ready to handle. Just as you would not try to walk on a broken leg, allow your connection to heal and grow stronger before you apply too much pressure.
Best wishes on your “new” journey!
Are you and your sweetheart setting yourselves up for success?