Walk into the relationship section of any bookstore and you may become instantly overwhelmed. There is no lack of literature available to couples who want to improve their relationship, singles who want to prepare for a relationship, or divorcees who want to heal and move on with their lives. Relationships are serious business, but that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh about them as we learn, right?
That’s why I’m thankful for books like Dated Jekyll, Married Hyde by Laura Jensen Walker. She discusses some of the basic differences in men and women using humor to get her point across. It’s so much easier to digest the truth when you are laughing! ~smile~
When I was younger, I would hear women say that a good sense of humor was important to them in a potential mate – and I honestly didn’t understand it. Yeah, I guess humor is nice, but isn’t romance and passion more important? Many moons and years of marriage later, I’m here to tell you, humor matters!
If you can laugh about your mistakes with your honey, you are leaps and bounds ahead of the couple who takes everything so seriously without ever pausing for a belly laugh. Don’t ever marry anyone with whom you cannot laugh. Laughter even has medicinal qualities! “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22, ESV).
Nag, Nag, Nag
How many of you ladies have ever said some variation of the following statement: “I will never nag my husband?” I don’t know if I actually said the phrase myself, but I was judgmental of women who did nag their husbands. Did they not know how annoying they sounded? I mean, really! Get off your husband’s back, lady!
Well… it came back to haunt me. This book’s author and I could talk about this subject for hours over coffee as her husband and mine have the exact same reaction to nagging.
Laura Jensen Walker said when she and her husband, Michael, were dating, he told her that he loathed nagging and that the fastest way keep him from doing her bidding was to nag him about it. Her following quote spoke to my heart, “But I don’t see it as nagging, I see it as reminding my single-minded husband of things he otherwise forgets.” Yes, yes, and yes!!!
Ladies, listen up! What we consider reminding often comes across as nagging. And, sometimes we forget that we’ve already reminded our honeys about something and we remind them again. If they were not put off by our first reminder, there is a strong probability they will see our subsequent reminders as nagging.
Gentlemen, please understand that most of us (I have never met a woman who enjoys nagging) do not want to nag our husbands. We have multiple thoughts going through our minds at one time and we are trying to make sure our homes and lives are running smoothly. Sometimes we rely on you to help us keep the house floating calmly along (e.g., moving boxes that are in our way, fixing plumbing, signing birthday cards, etc.). I speak for womankind (as much as I can) when I say, we are sorry. Please show us grace and gently remind us when we overstep our “reminder” bounds. ~smile~
(Side note: Nagging is not only a temptation for women. Some men have a bit of the nagging gene inside them too. And, not surprisingly, nagging does not work any better on women than it does on men. ~smile~)
Nagging Remedies
The Honey-Do List
Laura gave a few examples of how she tries to avoid nagging Michael. One option is the popular and highly acclaimed (by women) Honey-Do List. While it is easier for men to read a list of requests rather than hear their women constantly harping about them, Honey-Do Lists can become overwhelming. Laura got it down to a science, however. When she gives Michael a large Honey-Do list:
- She highlights the top ten items she wants done (and don’t expect that many items to get done in one day… or even one week)
- Then, she puts an asterisks next to the top five items she wants done
- And, lastly, she circles the one item she wants done more than anything else in red pen.
This way, he understands her desired level of importance for each request she has made on the list. Communication complete! ~smile~
Post-It Note
Another non-nagging suggestion she gives is one Eric and I have also adopted in some situations. Instead of verbally reminding her husband to do something, he requests that she write the reminder on a post-it note and that she put it on the mirror in the bathroom. He will see it in the morning and she does not have to stumble into the nagging pit – which is so easy to do (this coming from someone who was determined NOT to be THAT woman that nagged her husband ~smile~).
The Next Reminder
One last suggestion is something Eric and I have also adopted. If I remind him to do something, I ask him, “When would you like me to remind you again?” That way he gets to choose when I bring up the task again, so if I do remind him later at the appointed time, he cannot get mad or accuse me of nagging because he picked the time! It also adds an insurance policy to his life because he is much less likely to forget something important with me around to faithfully remind him. ~smile~
Nagging Defined
In Laura’s pursuit of the true meaning of the word nag, she uncovered some less than flattering synonyms. One dictionary said, “to annoy by constant scolding, complaining, or urging.” Who wants to be annoying?
Her Roget’s Super Thesaurus shared such synonyms for ‘nag’ as “old horse” and “faultfinder.” If you liked those comparisons, you’ll love these: “Complain. Needle. Whine. Grouse. Henpeck. Scold. Carp. Berate.” Wow.
A Virtuous Woman
The woman described here appears to be nothing like the type of woman praised in the New Testament for her beauty. “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” (I Peter 3:3-4, ESV)
Another eye-opening verse is, of course, Proverbs 25:24, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” (ESV) {And all the men said… amen!}
Dated Jekyll, Married Hyde is one of the easiest books I have read in a long time. Before I knew it, I had read the entire book! Her chapters are short and uplifting. If you are looking for a lighthearted book with relationship information and a lot of humor, this is a book for you. I think every couple’s library should include a few humorous relationship books to balance out all the heavy information! Enjoy!
How do you feel when you are nagged by your girlfriend, mom – or even your boyfriend or dad?