1. This too shall pass. ~smile~ Planning weddings can be stressful, but the day will come. Even if everything does not go perfectly (it certainly did not for us), you will still be married and you can still enjoy your special day. We had candle, microphone, audio, video, and vow slip-up malfunctions, but we still walked away married… and with funny stories to tell!
2. Do not throw every ounce of your energy into the wedding. Save some attention for your sweetheart. It is better to have a few less bells and whistles on your wedding day and be in a great emotional place with your bride or groom than to sacrifice a close connection for a flawless production. And your guests are not nearly as likely to notice something being “out of place” as you are.
3. Sit down and determine your top three wedding “must haves” and “can’t stands.” Weddings are filled with details and decisions. If you don’t know what you really want, you may get swept up in the process and end up feeling gypped later! If both of you determine three areas that are extremely important to you, you can work toward making those details happen. Liz must have a brand new wedding dress, a cake from Carla’s Confections, and Gerber Daisies in her bouquet. Jim must have all his brothers in the wedding party, his favorite song played during the ceremony, and a sit-down meal at the reception. Now that those must haves have been specified, both people feel heard and can work towards getting those specific details in place.
Discussing “can’t stands” also gives each person the opportunity to put his or her foot down where it matters most. Liz cannot stand the idea of having an open bar, she does not want a money tree at the reception (a place where people hang money for the bride and groom), and she is determined that Jim will not sport the sneakers he has been threatening to wear with his tux. Jim cannot stand the idea of waiting more than three hours after the wedding to leave for the honeymoon. In lieu of traditional pictures, he wants live, action shots of the ceremony. And last, but not least, he does not want the silver and black invitations Liz suggested. Both people need to voice their opinions so no one feels tied down. And if one person’s must have matches the other person’s can’t stand – it is a great time to learn the art of compromise. ~smile~
4. Resist the urge to become a bridezilla or groomzilla. Remember, you will still want a relationship with the people in your wedding after you are married. ~smile~ Don’t burn any bridges in the name of having it your way… unless someone is trying to railroad you for his or her own selfish reasons (e.g., a bridesmaid who insists on picking out all the bridesmaid dresses, etc.). Still attempt to keep relationships intact, but firmly take a stand in those situations. It is possible to be kind, firm and in charge of the situation simultaneously.
5. Be involved. Weddings do tend to focus on the bride, but the ceremony is about the bride and the groom. It is a picture of Christ and his church – and we cannot visualize Christ being ignored while His bride gets all the attention as a biblical picture. Though grooms have more of a propensity to run from wedding planning, some brides do it too! It will be best if both parties have input, compromise, and don’t lose sight of the ultimate goal… entering a covenant together for a lifetime.
6. Make Christ the focal point of your ceremony. The marriage ceremony is symbolic of Christ’s marriage to His bride, the Church. From the music, to the vows, to the message brought by the pastor, make it clear to all your guests that you are consecrating your relationship to God and that He will be the center of your marriage.
7. Honor those who have deeply influenced your life. When Eric and I got married, I asked “Miss” Betty and her husband, Mr. Dave, to sit in a place of honor at our wedding. They are not blood relatives, but they have treated me like a daughter and I wanted to showcase them as two incredibly special people in my life. Is there someone in your life you want to honor in some way at your wedding?
Additionally, I never had the privilege of meeting Eric’s mother as she passed away before Eric and I met. To honor her, he placed a red rose (her favorite flower) on the altar and documented his doing so in our wedding program so others would understand why it was there.
8. Let people fuss over you. You will have very few times in your life when people want to take care of you and make your life easier. So, let them! Eat at your reception and enjoy the food. You can mingle with your guests who stay. If someone wants to bring you food, let him! If someone offers to run an errand for you, let her! Enjoy it all. If you don’t, you’ll wish you had! Especially on your wedding day, this is probably the one time in your life where you can get pretty much anything you ask for (as long as it is reasonable) where others are happy to do it for you. (Don’t abuse it though. ~smile~)
9. Make sure your day is properly documented. Think about sitting down and talking about your wedding to your kids and grandkids. What will you want to show them? Make sure those moments are well-documented. When the doors opened and you first saw your bride? The look on his face the first time he saw you? The family and friends that were there? Smashing cake in each other’s faces? Your photographer and videographer are there for you, so don’t be shy about asking them for certain shots and clips. I sang to my dad at our reception (it was also his 50th birthday) and I am so sad that I don’t have it on video now. {Eric’s note: We wholeheartedly recommend to our clients to budget for a videographer. You may have well-meaning family and friends, but you won’t regret getting it done professionally.}
10. Have no regrets. Don’t live with the guilt of leaving your lifelong friend out of your wedding because of a recent falling out. Don’t allow someone to strong arm you into doing your wedding his or her way and then brood about it for the years to come. When you make decisions for your big day, ask yourself if you will enjoy them or regret them in ten, twenty, or thirty years. It is better to have a small, inexpensive, conservative wedding you can look back on fondly than a lavish event you remember with disdain. We hope your wedding day is one of the happiest days of your life. ~smile~
What advice do you have for engaged couples who are in the throes of wedding planning?