What are some reasons you have been reluctant to wait for sex? Have you been afraid of being “behind” your peers developmentally? Feeling stressed by sexual tension in your body? Experiencing pressure from your significant other? Maybe you have not been reluctant to wait for sex, but the world around you keeps saying, “You are crazy if you don’t do it. There is something wrong with you. Everybody’s doing it. It’s so great.”
There are so many voices in the wind that want to influence us, which is why we have to continuously saturate our minds with Scripture.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”(Romans 12:2, ESV)
So, let’s dive into a few more common sex myths.
The Bible’s Stance on Waiting until Marriage for Sex is Outdated.
This one kind of cracks me up a little. God is huge. To Him, a thousand years is like a day. He spoke the world into existence. Do we really think that God is outdated? God? The one who created time is outdated? I think not. ~smile~
God’s word is true and will stand forever.
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12, ESV)
“For, ‘All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever.’” (1 Peter 1:24-25a, ESV)
Our lives had a beginning and will have an ending (and then there will be eternity). God has always been and always will be. We may become outdated, but He never will. ~smile~
If I Truly Love Someone, Having Pre-Marital Sex is Okay.
The question here is less about how much you love your sweetie and more about how much you love and wish to honor God. You may think love makes sex okay, but God specifically said that sex was for marriage. If we love Him, we will obey His commands (John 14:15). As natural as it is to express love sexually, there are other ways to show love to your sweetie before you say your marriage vows.
As unpopular of an idea as this is, having sex before marriage is not an act of love, but an act of selfishness. Outside of the bonds of marriage, there is no promise… no covenant. Marriage is that safe nest where two people have vowed to God and each other in front of witnesses that they will be loyal for life. Waiting to give in to those desires shows your sweetie that you are not seeking sex for selfish reasons, but seeking to honor him or her and obey God.
Anyone can give into sex before marriage, but someone who is able to wait will be able to withstand other temptations down the road. If he or she can wait until marriage for sex, he or she will be more likely to stand firm in other areas too (e.g., financial decisions, finishing difficult projects, not giving in to sexual temptations with other people after marriage, etc.). Waiting patiently until marriage for sex helps couples trust each other more.
Living with My Sweetheart Will Help Prepare Us for Marriage
This myth is not just about sex, but sex is an obvious byproduct of living in the same house with someone you love and to whom you are insanely attracted.
Eric and I love and highly recommend the book The Intimacy Cover-Up by P. Roger Hillerstrom and Karlyn Hillerstrom. This book not only provides Biblical reasons for keeping sex in a marital context, but also scientific reasons. I especially appreciate his chapter on co-habitation and how it actually statistically increases the probability of divorce. The visual picture that stuck with me most in that chapter was the image of an open door.
When couples co-habitate, they think they are seeing the other in a true light; but, in reality, co-habitation is still dating. Whether you realize it or not, you and and your partner are still putting your best (or, at least, a better) foot forward. When your sweetie does something to annoy you, it’s okay because if it drives you too crazy, you can always walk out the back door. If you and your partner can’t see eye-to-eye on money, where to live, or how to spend your free time, no problem – that back door is unlocked and ready to open.
But, when a co-habitating couple gets married, that door suddenly closes. Those idiosyncrasies that did not bother you before suddenly do! Issues you were happy to ignore before can no longer be brushed aside. The walls start closing in, and the same person who was so accommodating and giving before marriage begins to show sides never before seen!
Living with your sweetie may seem like a dream, and hopefully it will be; but, your chances of lasting marital bliss go up when you forgo the co-habitating “stage.” It sets up false expectations for what marriage is going to be; and when your sweetie changes overnight, your expectations are going to be squashed, leading to bitterness and division. If you have seen your sweetie in a number of different situations, observed him or her around family and friends, and seen his or her character shine through in other areas of life, you don’t need to have a “practice run” at marriage. It will take time to adjust to living with each other after the wedding, but all couples go through that; and, you will have the advantage of seeing your husband and wife as he or she truly is, and not a deceptively well-behaved version.
We strongly recommend checking out The Intimacy Cover-Up and recommending it to family and friends.
There are plenty of sex myths out there today, and those who ignore them may be ridiculed. That’s okay. Those who choose to do what is right are often mistreated by people who are jealous, who don’t understand, or who desire to see them “fall.” Sex is something almost anyone can partake in at any time. You can go to a bar, drink, and go home with someone. Finding a sexual partner is not that difficult, but waiting to have sex is not easy. It takes self-control, passion for your standards, and a strong character. Virginity can be lost at any time, but it can never be regained.
But, there is good news! If you have been sexually active outside of marriage, God can still forgive you for violating His laws. If you are repentant, you can throw yourself at the foot of the cross and cry out for mercy to be forgiven. Many couples have fallen into temptation and have been restored. You can turn away from your former lifestyle, receive Christ’s forgiveness, and wait from here on out until marriage to enjoy sex as it was meant to be enjoyed – with joy, peace, and a clear conscious! ~smile~
How have myths about sex and abstinence affected your life and relationships thus far?