There are a plethora of reasons in the world why couples should not wait until marriage to have sex. It is obviously an unpopular idea. Why? Well, sex is fun and it feels good. Waiting for rewards is never fun, but it certainly builds character (which is ironically [or, perhaps not] what is needed for better sex…).
When we buy something and refuse to read the instructions, we run the risk of harming ourselves, others, and damaging the product. Somewhere along the line, the world separated the act of human sexuality from God – as if God is against sex – when, in reality, it was His idea! He is the Creator. We should thank Him for the gift of sex, but we should also understand that he gave it to us with guidelines for our benefit.
Some tangible items are not meant for children, such as guns, knives, explosives, and matches. No one in his right mind would hand a child something so dangerous and say, “Go have fun!”
Sex may seem harmless; yet, in the wrong hands at the wrong time, it can be extremely dangerous. Sex, which was intended to be enjoyed between a man and woman in the bonds of marriage, is now being promoted to teenagers, exploited on the big screen, sold in brothels, and (very sadly) even enslaving children. One step over God’s line leads to another and another until whole societies are saturated in perversion.
Below are just a few myths floating around as to why couples should not wait until marriage for sex (and also the truth).
I Have to “Test Drive the Car” Before I Buy.
I remember hearing a woman say this when I was a teenager, and I was taken aback. I thought, “What? Marriage is about so much more than sex.” Sex is a great part of it, but mutual respect, giving, serving, enjoying each other, laughing together, and having a best friend for life is so much more important than simply having sex. Such a statement demotes marriage to something quite puny and weak.
Sex is different between different people. Those who have slept with multiple partners can attest to the fact that the experience with one person is different than the experience with another. The beauty of sex between a husband and wife who love each other is that perfection and performance are not necessary. The act is about giving love to each other. Therefore, to say “I have to make sure this guy or girl is good enough in bed to warrant my lifetime affection” oozes selfishness and immaturity. If this is your take on what is important in marriage, I would suggest maturing for a few more years before considering matrimony.
If the world had followed God’s design for sex, such an idea would not even exist because most people would not be able to make comparisons. Both partners would come into their marriage bed pure and ready to learn each other’s bodies. Just as with any act, practice makes perfect; so, the longer a couple is together, the better sex they will have. The first time probably won’t be the best. It will get better the more the couple grows, learns, and experiments. There is so much peace and security in a sexual relationship when both people fully trust each other; and, there is joy when sex is enjoyed with a completely free conscience.
I Have to Have Sex by a Certain Age for Health Reasons
If you decide to wait until marriage for sex, you probably will get some strange looks. I remember having a nurse ask me if I was sexually active when I was seventeen, and I’m not sure she believed my answer. A few years later, I was in a community college health class and my professor shared with us that he was almost thirty when he got married, and how it would not have been good for him to wait that long for sex. I guess I was mildly baffled and simultaneously not surprised. So, sex before marriage is not okay for a teenager (I’m guessing he would not want his young daughter experimenting sexually), but if you are in your mid-to-late twenties, not having sex suddenly poses a health threat?
I’m not sure if that professor was hinting that waiting until marriage for sex would have been harmful to him, or simply difficult; but, either way, he basically told a room full of nineteen-year-olds that waiting until marriage for sex was ridiculous. Sad, really. Whether a person loves God and wants to please Him or not, waiting until marriage for sex is not ridiculous. It is wise.
Waiting until marriage for sex takes the fear of unplanned pregnancy completely off the table. How many people do you know whose lives completely changed because they suddenly found themselves raising a child? (Or, even worse, when one of them abandons the other to raise the child alone.)
Waiting for sex also eliminates concerns about venereal diseases. How hard would it be to tell the one you want to marry that you have STDs? It’s just not worth it. And aside from the fear of diseases and pregnancy, how sweet is it to be able to give your new bride or groom the gift of your virginity? To say, “I saved this part of my body for you and you alone.”
We are sexual creatures, and our bodies do crave sex at a biological level; but, we will not keel over without it. We are able to live happy, healthy lives while abstaining. I know, and applaud, many who are faithfully waiting. The health dangers associated with causal sex are far scarier than those associated with abstinence. Sex is good for the body, but in the right context.
If I Don’t have Sex Until Marriage, I Am Missing Out – the Temptations are Too Great.
For a season, it may feel like you are missing out. Then you will get married and all those years of waiting will literally melt away. You are very unlikely to answer your door when you have been married five years and find a jeering group of high school friends laughing and saying, “You waited until you got married for sex. Hahahahaha…” And, if you do… well, I would say you are not the pathetic party in this scenario. ~smile~
When you are on the single side of marriage, it may feel like your day will never come. Having to wait seemed cruel back then! And as much as I didn’t want to get married right out of high school, the idea that my married friends could “legally” have sex seemed so unfair. ~smile~ Now that I’ve been married for a while, I have to smile at my single self. If I had only known what was coming, I know I could have rested more easily.
God gives us rules to follow in His word and He is serious about those rules. He also provides great joy and peace to those who obey His word (and who put their trust in Christ). He does not provide rules and then make it impossible for His children to follow them.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (I Corinthians 10:13, ESV)
The temptation may seem too great, and (in your own strength) it may be. However, when you trust God and stand firm on what He says in His word, He can and will (through the Holy Spirit) give you the strength to endure.
Not Easy, but Worth It
You may feel like you are missing out on a lot of fun, but you are also missing out on a lot of pain. I didn’t say it would be easy, I’m just saying that it is worth it. Just keep holding on. ~smile~
We will continue this series with more sexual myths in our next post. Until then, think about some of the beliefs you have about sex and abstinence. Analyze your beliefs. Which are biblical, and which are the result of culture, media, friends, and family influences?
Which early beliefs did you have regarding sex? What changed those beliefs?