Have you noticed that when God creates something beautiful, Satan is always there to pervert it? This is never more true than when it comes to sex. Sex is a beautiful act of love between two people who have entered into the sacred covenant of marriage with each other.
Animals also have intercourse to procreate, but how often are they face-to-face? Not only did God create a special way for husbands and wives to express love to each other, but He made it in such a way that they can face each other during sex. And, it is so precious that children can be conceived during an act of love.
However, the enemy has painted sex as a lustful, self-seeking, animal-like act. Take, take, take, me, me, me, more, more, more! Such perversion has caused pornography addictions to soar, homes to be torn apart through adultery, and young children to be victimized. Sex was created to be so incredibly special, but sin has ripped it out of context and tried to turn it into something grotesque.
The sexual connection between husbands and wives should be held dear and considered sacred, and couples who wish to share a close sexual bond have to protect it from the toxic environment in which we now live.
Guard it from Adultery
You may feel like you are incapable of having an affair, but no one is immune to the dangers. All couples have to continuously guard their hearts and relationships from intruders. The Casting Crowns’ song Slow Fade demonstrates this point well. We don’t wake up one morning and think, “I believe I’ll have an affair today.” It begins with a simple thought. Then, we are tempted and we dwell on the temptation. Then, the temptation begins to consume us. Then, we succumb.
So, how do you guard your marriage from adultery? First, you keep your marriage centered on God and His word. The more we sow God’s word into our minds and hearts, the less temptation can get a foothold.
Then, you make it a point to work on your marriage daily. This can be as simple as making sure you spend at least fifteen minutes connecting each night (e.g., holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, talking about your days, etc.).
Next, you can make sure all of your opposite sex relationships are held above reproach. If you have a co-worker who is getting too friendly, make it a point to never be alone with him or her. If you are working on a church project with someone of the opposite sex, make sure there is someone else helping, or that you are both outside in broad daylight where you can be easily seen.
Last, but not least, keep your eyes and ears off of visual and audio material which would cheapen your physical relationship.
“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” (Job 31:1, ESV)
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.”(Job 31:1, NIV)
Guard it from Pornography
There was once a time when I thought pornography only affected a small population; however, now I know that pornography is a temptation to many individuals. Some consider pornography to be every man’s battle… and I think there is a lot of truth to it. Most men are tempted by pictures or videos of scantily clad or naked women in sensual poses, and that temptation makes them only human. Since pornography is so easily accessible currently, it is more important than ever that couples guard their marriages from this destructive weed. It is craftier than we realize.
And men are not the only people affected. There is a growing number of women who are admitting to an addiction of pornography. And it is no surprise since porn can be so easily accessed on the internet in the privacy of one’s own home.
Pornography, aside from the lust it stirs up in the viewers’ hearts, creates an expectation which can never be met. Perfectly formed humans who are immaculately groomed engage in sexual escapades, perform flawlessly, and leave their viewers wanting more – and not just more – but harder material and more graphic. Lust, by nature, is something which can never be satisfied. There is not a pornographic film on this earth that would make a man or woman feel “full enough.” It just keeps pulling men and women further into the abyss until they cannot function without it. Homes fall apart. Relationships are strained. Sometimes, work suffers because of the addictive power of pornography.
{Eric’s note: A phrase I heard one time struck me at the insidiousness of pornography. “Remember, she’s someone else’s daughter.” Would you want to see your daughter participating in the porn industry? Likely not. The vast majority of parents of the girls you are watching probably feel the same way. Don’t support the industry that enslaves so many men and women. People are not sex objects – they are people.}
Be accountable. If you are struggling, find a same sex friend, mentor, or pastor (pastor’s wife) to help you. Have software installed on your computer that blocks adult websites from coming up. Pray for and with each other, and then run from temptation just as Joseph did when Potiphar’s wife was trying to seduce him.
“‘He is not greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?’” (Genesis 39:9, ESV)
{Note: Joseph didn’t say that he would have been sinning against the pharaoh by sleeping with pharaoh’s wife, but sinning against God Himself.}
Guard it from being Replaced
Pornography, personal fantasies, and flirtations can lead people to rely on other means for sexual fulfillment. There are many couples who would prefer being aroused by methods other than sex with their spouse. There can be many reasons for this, but one truth is clear – using other methods to feel sexual release that do not involve your spouse can only drive a wedge into your relationship.
Sex toys and other arousal methods are obviously different than human anatomy. They can illicit feelings and sensations that another person would have a difficult time replicating. Therefore sex between a husband and wife begins to feel boring and unfulfilling. The more a couple relies on something else to bring them sexual satisfaction, the less of a sexual connection they will have with each other. This is dangerous because the lack of communication and connection in the bedroom can (and likely will) spread to other parts of the relationship. Plus, using toys to fulfill oneself sexually makes sex about taking (I want to feel good), and not about giving to your partner (I want my sweetie to feel good).
Guard it from Being Forgotten
As time passes, sex won’t be as heavy on your mind. Sex has to be prioritized in order to remain a part of a couple’s marriage. Have you ever been on a great workout routine, and then sickness, the holidays, or a schedule change knocked you off your game? Is it not so much harder to start working out again after you have fallen off the wagon?
In much the same way, sex is much easier when it is a continuous part of a relationship. If a couple barely touches each other for two years, it is going to be difficult to get back into the habit of having regular sex. However, if a couple makes their love life a priority all along, they won’t have to struggle to regain that part of their marriage.
Once you are married, make sex a regular part of your week. Don’t treat it like a chore, but make sure it is not neglected. You and your spouse will need the connection, and you will be making sure it does not fall by the wayside!
Yes, it is hard to imagine your sexual relationship needing to be guarded when you are young and madly in love, but it is amazing how easy it is to lose that connection. Before your relationship has a chance to “cool off,” start guarding it from the toxins and predators that would seek to steal it and pervert it. It isn’t “just sex.” It is a special way of expressing heartfelt affection and becoming one with your spouse, and that relationship is worth protecting!
What are some other ways married couples should guard their sexual relationship?