The ceremony is over, you have danced the night away, and finally you are alone in the car waving goodbye to your friends and family. You are headed to your evening destination. It’s here. We actually made it. Tonight is the night!
Like the wedding day, the wedding night is something people dream of for years. Some would say that women dream of the wedding day and men dream of the wedding night; but, I can assure you, women dream of the wedding night too. ~smile~
Couples plan the wedding meticulously, but they often have no plan for the wedding night. We will go to a room and have sex! Yes, most likely you will, but this is the only wedding night you will ever have, so why not make it extra special? After all, you will have many years later to just go into a room and have sex.
The gentlemen may think nothing could be more special that throwing down your bags and jumping into bed, but think of your brides, gents. Most women, especially women who have not been sexually active, are not going to be immediately comfortable stripping down to nothing. Since women traditionally do most of the wedding planning, the men can have fun planning a special wedding night for their brides. ~smile~
Where do you want to spend your wedding night? Talk this over with your bride-to-be. In the same town as the wedding? An hour outside of town? Across the country? If I were you, I would not plan to fly out on a honeymoon that very night. Spend the night somewhere you are sure to have privacy, but not so far away that you are driving all night. You don’t want to be exhausted on your wedding night. You will be tired, but you don’t want to be exhausted. ~smile~
Plan some activities which will relax your bride once you make it to your location. Remember, she’s been up since dawn getting her hair and makeup done, smiling for a thousand pictures, and greeting everyone – and all in uncomfortable shoes. She will need to relax and let the stress of the day melt away.
Pack some bath salts, massage oil, and lotions for her. Think of several ways you can help her relax. Take all the bags to your room, let her rest while you draw her a bath, light candles so the bathroom has a romantic glow, and let her know you are happy to join her if she wants company!
You may want to do something ceremonial on your wedding night. Some grooms wash their bride’s feet as a way of saying “I will lovingly serve you as your husband” (John 13:1-17). You could read Song of Solomon together. You could have a special gift waiting for her. Shower her with affection, and show her that you are interested in making her feel special and not just in the “main event.”
First of all, allow me to be counter-cultural for a moment: You don’t have to have sex on your wedding night. Shocked? It’s true. If you are exhausted – or if you have been careful to keep physical boundaries in your courtship – one or both of you may not be ready to have intercourse the first night. If you both don’t have the stress of “We must have sex!” on your mind, you are much more likely to relax enough to have sex. You can spend the first night exploring each other’s bodies and becoming more comfortable before taking the next step.
I read once about a couple who had been extremely vigilant about staying pure during their courtship and thus had not moved through many of the stages of bonding by their wedding night. I would imagine their first kiss was at the altar. Sadly, they sexually went from 0mph to 60mph in too short of a time period and their wedding night was a disaster. They were both heartbroken and it took some time to emotionally recover. Go as slowly as the person who wants to go more slow wants to go.You will eventually get to the promised land. (And though it is largely uncomfortable and thought to be “natural,” sex is a very complex interaction between the man and woman. If outside help is needed, please consider going to a biblically-centered counselor who is trained on helping couples with sexual issues. You don’t want to ignore it or just try to work on your own if your sexual life with each other is not healthy.)
There is no need to rush. Sex can be given a negative mark or a positive mark in our minds, depending on our first experience with it. If it is an aggressive or painful experience, those memories may negatively affect future sexual encounters. However, if it is a gentle, kind, selfless experience, those memories will spill over and enhance your sex life.
Items to Pack for your Wedding Night:
- Bible – So you can start out your marriage in God’s Word! ~smile~
- Night Light
- Massage Oil
- Bath salts
- Snacks for the room
- Bottled water and drinks
- A gift (if you plan to give a gift)
- New pajamas ~wink~
- Romantic CD or digital song mix
- Rose petals (if you plan to use them)
- Letters you have written which you want to give to her
- Games, movies, or something fun to do – if you have the time. ~smile~
We hope your wedding night is a memorable experience for you both. If you plan ahead, you can make a special night even more splendid. ~smile~
Have you ever thought about planning for the wedding night? What ideas do you have for making the time extra special?