“We will always have good sex! We are crazy about each other and cannot wait to express ourselves physically in marriage. I don’t know why other couples aren’t doing it all the time, but you better believe my future spouse and I will be doing it constantly!”
Have you ever met anyone who thinks this way? Perhaps you have had similar thoughts? It is common for pre-marital couples to think that married life is going to be one long roll in the hay, with occasional breaks to eat and maybe go to work; but, those of us who are on the wedded side of the coin know that it is not quite that simple. ~smile~
Sex is a great part of marriage, but it also has to be guarded and prioritized. Believe it or not, life will happen and sex won’t naturally rise to the top of your priority list for long. Or, it will rise to the top of one spouse’s list and not the other’s list. Running into the bedroom, stripping, and hopping under the covers may be all it takes in those newlywed days; but, after a while, you and your spouse will need to actively throw logs on the fire to keep your sex life popping and crackling.
I think it’s worth the effort, don’t you? ~smile~
Plan Ahead
Go on dates. Flirt with each other. As unromantic as it may sound, put it on your calendar. When life gets busy, sex is often one of the first appointments to go! But, if you put it on the calendar and both of you are determined to keep your date, you will have more sex than if you leave it all to chance.
This probably makes our spontaneous readers cringe. Plan for sex? Where’s the fun in that? Yes, we recommend planning for sex, but also being open to the idea of spontaneous sex when the opportunity presents itself. If one of you is spontaneous, and the other is a planner, work on compromises. Plan for sex, but be spontaneous about the location, or plan to have sex a certain day, but be spontaneous about the time.
Whether all your sex is planned, or only some of your sex is planned, you and your future spouse will have more sex if you prioritize it!
Give Gifts
A gift can be as small as a flower and as big as a new car {or, perhaps one’s own private island ~smile}. Surprise each other often with small remembrances. A favorite candy, a new piece of lingerie, tickets to a ballgame, or fragrant bath salts – something that shows your sweetie that you love and were thinking about him or her. Small gifts, as a part of a constant flow of affection, can keep a couple connected and sex more frequent and enjoyable.
If sex becomes a chore, take a long look at your relationship and see if something between you needs to be repaired.
Leave Notes Around
Our biggest sexual organ is our mind. This is especially true for women. If we start thinking about it in the morning, and are reminded of it throughout the day, we will be much more ready at night than if our husband pops into the room at 10:45pm and says, “So, are you ready?”
Slip a note into your honey’s lunch bag. Looking forward to ‘seeing’ you tonight. Leave post-it notes with hearts in special places for your sweetie to find. Send e-mails that let your sweetheart know you are looking forward to your rendezvous.
Have a Code Language
E-mail my spouse about sex? I would be worried someone would read it! That’s when it’s helpful to have a code language. Not only is it fun, but it’s something special that only the two of you share. You can speak about sex in public and have no one ever be the wiser.
We should ‘do the dishes’ when we get home. We should ‘go for a walk’ later. Remind me to ‘water the plants’ tonight. (And, no… none of these are our phrases… ~smile~)
You could even create two e-mail accounts for just the two of you. You can send fun and naughty notes to each other and experience that feeling in your stomach you use to feel when your romance was new. ~smile~ (Just make sure you don’ t use the account to send e-mail to anyone else!)
Keep Your Bedroom Neat and Clutter-Free
Clutter is romance’s enemy. It is hard to relax and get in a sensual mood with a stack of tax documents in the corner, clothes on the floor, and misplaced junk stacked on every bookshelf. When it comes to the bedroom, less is more. Keep it simple. Have a nice bed, a chair or loveseat (if there is room), a dresser, and a nightstand or two. Other than that, make your room a clutter-free zone. If you are blessed to have a walk-in closet, utilize it so that your living space can be completely clean and peaceful.
Go Away!
Jump in the car and go away every so often for a weekend of fun in the hotel room. Sometimes just changing up the location can put some magic back in a couple’s sex life. Getting out of your natural surroundings offers you a break from everyday life, and may free your mind up to focus on romance. Plus, being on vacation makes us feel festive. ~smile~
Keep Exploring
In the beginning, sex is an exploration. You and your partner discover new likes, new positions, and new turn-ons; but, after a while, sex can become systematic. Step one, remove clothes. Step two, lie down, step three… you get the picture. ~smile~ Couples who want to keep their romance hot can’t rely on “the way we’ve always done it.” They have to keep discovering each other and enjoying each other’s bodies. Try something new as long as your sweetie is comfortable with it.
Stay Spiritually Connected
It may seem like a spiritual connection has little to do with a sexual one, but it surely does! Couples who want God to be at the center of their relationship share a powerful bond. Sharing such a passion for their Savior and spending time in Scripture and prayer together keeps a couple deeply connected. There is something to the saying, “The family that prays together stays together.” A deep spiritual connection makes sex more enjoyable – and oftentimes, more frequent.
Since God created sex it makes sense that a couple who stays spiritually connected would also desire more of a physical connection. Common goals connect people, so having the most important goal in common (striving to be more like Christ) should connect couples all the more. And those who read Song of Solomon frequently may find their bedroom heating up more than usual. ~smile~
In Conclusion
There are many creative ways to keep the fire burning in a marriage. Be vigilant about your future marriage. Keep it free of toxins, and talk out your problems. The more issues that get buried, the less fulfilling your sex life will be over time. Remaining emotionally close is one of the best ways to keep your sex life rolling.
If you are still on the pre-marital side of life, you can still prepare. Learn all you can about the purpose of sex in marriage, how to keep your future martial connection strong, and how to prioritize sex throughout your married life. Happy researching! ~wink~
How will you prioritize your sexual relationship in your future marriage?