If you are looking for a way to keep your boyfriend or girlfriend in line, look no further. If you want to make sure you never fall helplessly in love again, listen up. If you want to ensure that your significant other will do your bidding, this post is for you. If you want to gain and keep the upper hand in your relationship, follow these steps. … but, be warned. You cannot complete this mission effectively if you allow yourself to love him or her. Love will soften your heart and your efforts will be in vain.
- The First Step is to Get Him or Her Completely Hooked. Be sweet. Precious. Compliment him or her very often. Make him feel like the strongest, most fearless man on earth. Make her feel like the luckiest woman alive. Tell him how much you admire him. Tell her how beautiful she is to you. Make speeches about how you are not sure what you did before he or she came into your life. Do this for several months until your special lady or gentleman is convinced you are an amazing person. Still, you do not want to appear needy, so keep them at arm’s length while still managing to pour it on thick. Unleash butterflies in her heart, but do not return her texts too You need to keep a little mystery so she does not get comfortable. Be sure he is taking in your adoring accolades, but make him wait until the last minute for an answer when he invites you for a date. Occasionally decline and be vague about your reasons.
- Undermine Your Sweetie’s Confidence. This one is especially effective over time. The change will not happen overnight, but as his or her self-worth diminishes, it will become easier to maintain control over the relationship. Once your sweetheart is hooked, start making the occasional snide comment. When she asks you how she looks, smirk and say something like, “You look like you spent a lot of time on yourself;” but, please, whatever you do, do not tell her she looks good. If she appears to be rethinking the relationship, then tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her for weeks! But, once she is back on the wagon, return to the subtle insults. They are the cornerstone of your upper-hand venture. And ladies, when he accomplishes something at work, congratulate him while simultaneously indicating he could have done more. “Oh, you closed two deals this week? How nice. I thought you were going for three, but I guess two is good.”
- Keep a Record of Your Significant Other’s Mistakes in a Safe Place so You Can Get to Them Quickly in an Argument. When you are trying to prove your sweetheart’s failures, there is nothing more embarrassing or detrimental to your game than not being able to come up with an example. “You insult me in front of other people and I do not appreciate it.” “Oh really? Give me an example!” “Well, last January you made a crack about my cooking while we were out with friends. When my parents visited last May, you told them how you have to sit on piles of old McDonald’s bags in my car. Last week, you said that I was not very good at basketball in front of strangers at Starbucks. That was disrespectful.” If you have examples ready and waiting, you can shut your boyfriend or girlfriend’s argument down cold. You have the proof. What can he or she do? Oh, and one more bit of advice. Never yell. As soon as you lose your cool, you blow your cover. You have control of the relationship. Only those who are grappling for control resort to screaming and pitching a fit.
- Make Sure He or She Realizes There are Other Fish in the Sea. If your sweetie gets too comfortable in the relationship, it is just a matter of time before his or her annoying side rears its ugly head. Her expecting you to let her know where you are and with whom. Him eating your food when he comes to visit and not replacing it. Her wanting hugs while you are in the middle of accomplishing a difficult task in your video game. You know… ridiculous stuff. By periodically commenting on your exes, occasionally flirting with others, and coolly mentioning that you two are not yet married, your boyfriend or girlfriend will feel compelled to stay on the straight and narrow. It is a sure fire way to keep his or her behavior in check.
- The Power Punch – Silent Treatment. Did she cross the line? Did he stand up for himself? Did she get an attitude with you? You DO NOT have to put with that. Push the pause button. Just stop talking completely. You can leave and refuse to answer calls and texts. You can stay in the room and just completely ignore everything she says. I mean, there is really nothing more insulting than being ignored. You can talk to everyone else around you except him. Even if he or she is angry with you at first, over time the silence will drive your sweetheart mad. Make sure this goes on for hours or even days. The worse the offense, the longer the silence. The longer you make your “loved” one wait to regain your affections, the crazier it will drive him or her. This is a sure-fire way to make a point. Maybe he or she will think twice before upsetting you next time.
The Cost of the Upper Hand
I have been in relationships where I had the upper hand (at least in my head) and in relationships where I was clearly hooked. Though it was never my intention to cause deep pain to anyone, I occasionally made some awful judgment calls which I deeply regret. Even now, in my thirties, I occasionally reminisce on those relationships and wish I could go back and make them right.
As for the times, I was under a man’s (rather, boy’s) thumb, I felt so out of control. Once I recall lying on my bathroom floor screaming, “What’s wrong with me?!?” I was so mixed up and shaken. I had allowed myself to be ensnared in an unhealthy, damaging relationship and even though the escape was right in front of me, I could not get to it. I ignored the stirring inside that said, “Do not date this person. Something is not right here!” I ignored the advice of concerned family and friends. I allowed myself to fall into the emotions and decided I would deal with the consequences later.
The problem with future consequences is we rarely get to choose them. I did not realize the consequences of continuing this relationship would be years of deflated confidence and regret. Please, do not play around with people who treat you disrespectfully. Everyone will occasionally mess up. I raise my voice to Eric more than I should and he does not always address me with honey on his lips. However, we do love and respect each other as a way of life, so those moments can be forgiven and left behind.
If you are in a dating relationship where you are belittled, purposefully confused, disregarded, and chastised for requesting changes, you need to leave.
In healthy relationships, neither person should have the upper hand. Neither person should battle for control. Both parties should respect each other and function as a unit – a partnership. If you insist on gaining and maintaining the upper hand, you will do so at the cost of your connection. If you are above your sweetheart, you cannot be beside him or her. Plus, maintaining control is exhausting. Control is not love. Control is self-seeking. Love is self-giving.
So, take a look at your relationship and determine if you are partners walking side-by-side or in a tug of war for control. If you are in control, is it worth it?
Who has the upper hand in your relationship? [Comment below and discuss with us.]