As we close out this Thanksgiving season, let’s consider how we can live a life of consistent gratitude. It is great that we Americans (and our Canadian neighbors to the north!) are given a national holiday that reminds us to count our blessings, but how much happier would we be if we were thankful all year instead of just in November (or, October ~smile~)?
Forming the Habit
If you want to become a more grateful person, you are in luck! You can make a habit out of gratitude! Below are a few traits of grateful people and I think we would all do well to adopt these traits in our own lives and relationships:
Their attitude of thanksgiving does not depend on their circumstances.
Those who are grateful as a way of life do not wait until they receive a big shiny package to start thanking God for what they have. They look at what they have and realize that they could have less.
Have you ever been on a missions trip to a third-world country? We just had a few people from our church go to Guatemala this past June and they found that the kids at the orphanage they worked in were not sitting around moping about not having the latest and greatest toys. They were content just to kick around an old, partially deflated soccer ball. When we push away all of the extras, we can clearly see how much of a blessing shelter, food, and clothing are to us!
They are quick to point out positives and are slow to dwell on the negatives.
There will always be negatives. We do not have to look hard to find them! (We even do not have to try hard to create them!) And though it is not always easy to find positives, they are around us. Grateful people are quick to find the positives (perhaps practice has shown them how to find the positives more quickly) and slow to talk about the negatives.
Once, I was talking to a lady who struggled with negativity. No matter what the situation, she was likely to find something bad in it. One night, I tried an experiment with her and answered her every negative comment with a positive one. Interestingly, it was one of the shortest conversations we ever had. She did not want to hear positives. She wanted someone to gossip and gripe with her. Grateful people don’t have time to wallow.
They are givers.
Grateful people do not only take with a smile, but they give with a smile. My grandma was always trying to give to everybody. Food, clothes, money – anything she could – Granny had an open hand. The thought of people going hungry broke her heart. People gave to her regularly, but just as often she was trying to give to someone else. It made her happy!
When our hands are open to give, they are also open to receive; however, when we close our hands into a fist (i.e., refuse to give), we are also closing ourselves off from receiving gifts – a closed fist cannot receive anything. Grateful people know how to give and, in turn, gifts are returned to them – it is a cycle. You give and you can expect to receive. You plant corn and you can expect to reap corn. I have yet to meet a genuinely grateful person who did not also enjoy giving!
They do not hold on to anger.
When I was a teenager, a young woman came into my grandma’s house and asked if she had some tea. Granny, suspecting no harm, and mistaking this girl to be one of my friends, turned her back to get some tea from the fridge. After the girl left, Granny went looking for her wallet and discovered it was missing. It took a long time to get all of the financial drama straightened out from that robbery, but Granny did not hold a grudge. Instead, she prayed for her. I remember her saying, “Honey, I pray for her because I don’t want her to be [spiritually] lost.”
When we dwell on what is good and pure, we cannot simultaneously dwell on anger. When you feel anger rising up in your heart towards someone you have forgiven, cut the negative thoughts off with positive thoughts. Instead of repeatedly thinking, “That jerk hurt me so badly. Why is he prospering?!”, a grateful person might respond by saying, “I’m so thankful that God has forgiven me for my sins, and I am thankful that He has given me the grace to forgive those who have hurt me. I pray God blesses Him even more this year than He did last year!”
They smile… often.
Expressing thanksgiving will bring a spring to your step and when you are happy, you smile! Anyone who thinks about what is going wrong in their lives will be unhappy, from the poorest of the poor to the richest of the rich. But when we constantly think about what is good, true, and excellent, we will smile! We could all benefit from more smiles!
Think about your sweetie. Do you just love his or her smile? Do you have a hard time staying mad when you see his or her toothy grin? Making it a point to thank your honey regularly is like placing an order for more smiles. He or she may not smile every time you shower him or her with appreciation; yet, over time, the atmosphere of your relationship will change as you continue to express liberal amounts of gratitude and that should result in more peace, more bonding, and more smiles. ~smile~
{Eric’s note: For a one-week period, I was being trained in sales and the trainer made a point to tell us to make it a lifetime habit to start genuinely smiling more with everyone you meet. He noted that most people in customer service treat those who are smiling much better than those who are not (as the majority of customers do not smile) – and, you know what? I found out he was right! It pays to smile!}
Time to Experiment
Are you in the habit of showing gratitude? If not, do this experiment: For the next week, thank your sweetie, friend, or family member whenever you are tempted to make a complaint. And when you have a negative thought pass through, counter it with a positive one. Notice if you and those you love are happier this week! ~smile~
How do you feel when your sweetie shows you gratitude? How will you incorporate gratitude into your future marriage?