Did anyone else think that Kristoff turned our remarkably well considering he was raised by trolls? Who wouldn’t want to be raised by trolls? Well, I guess most of us wouldn’t, but these trolls were exceptional… I suppose. ~smile~
I must admit, the song Fixer-Upper does not hold a candle to Let it Go, but I definitely appreciated the message of the song. Did you?
So He’s a Bit of a Fixer Upper. So He’s Got a Few Flaws…
When I was a teenager, I spent a lot of time dreaming of the perfect man. He was going to be so handsome; sing like an angel; and, of course, treat me with respect at all times. ~smile~ It eventually occurred to me that such a man does not exist and that all men (and women) are fixer-uppers. We all have flaws. We all have quirks. We all need someone who will love us regardless of our shortcomings.
Truthfully, some people’s flaws may be too much for you to handle. You may be so aggravated by your boyfriend’s sloppy appearance that you cannot get past it, but there are other women out there who could. You may not be able to stand your girlfriend’s extreme political passions, but there are guys out there who will find it cute – or even match her in her exuberance.
We are all fixer-uppers, but that does not mean everyone is a match for everyone else. But, even when you find a good match, you will still be getting a fixer-upper (and you will still be a fixer-upper). My sweet Eric is a fixer-upper, but I love him in spite of his flaws. Sometimes, I even think they are cute. ~smile~ He loves me in spite of my flaws too, but I’m not sure he considers them “adorable.” ~wink~
So, tell yourself now, “I am going to marry a fixer-upper, and that is okay.” ~smile~
We’re Not Sayin’ You Can Change Him, ‘Cause People Don’t Really Change…
Yes! Thank you! I loved this line. Not that I believe people can’t change, but I strongly believe people should never get married with the expectation of changing their spouse. If they do, it will be a long, sad, frustrating road. We do need to pray for our sweeties and be honest when certain behaviors bother us, but a person will come to resent being “up on blocks.” There are a handful of people in my life who seemed determine to change me, and it only hurt me and made me angry. Having your spouse try to change you is especially frustrating because you cannot get away from him or her! ~smile~
When you get married, you need to be able to say, “Even if he (or she) never changes, I will still love and honor him (or her).” This “I’ll get married and fix him (or her) later” business just won’t fly. People can change, but it is a process; and, only the Holy Spirit can truly change someone’s heart. Ask a few couples who have been married forty years or more, and I guarantee they can tell you a few traits they were never able to train out of the other. ~smile~
The Only Fixer-Upper Fixer That Can Fix a Fixer-Upper Is…True Love!
Love does have a way of softening the heart. You can choose to marry a fixer-upper and then remind him or her constantly of his or her flaws. Or, you can marry a fixer-upper and love him or her despite any flaws. Love is not primarily a feeling, though it is often described as one. Love is something we actively choose to do. To love someone means to give sacrificially, to work hard when you don’t feel like it, and to consider his or her needs as more important than yours. To love someone is not always easy, especially when he or she is a fixer-upper! But, it’s your love, not your nagging or complaining, that will motivate your sweetie.
When Eric thanks me for something, or goes out of his way to show me love, I want to be a better wife. It motivates me to be better. Likewise, when I treat him with respect and keep my mouth shut when I want to complain, it motivates him to change into a more kind and selfless man. Would you agree, Honey? ~smile~ {Eric’s note: Yes, yes I would. ~smile~}
Whether you are currently in love with your fixer-upper, or waiting for him or her to come, start asking God to give you the grace to love your future spouse in spite of any flaws he or she may possess.
In the meantime, start working on yourself. What are some ways you could improve to be a better husband or wife? Bad attitude? Money management? Temper? Bossiness? Doormat-ism? ~smile~ Ask God to reveal areas in your life which can use some work. We can’t change others, but we can work on changing ourselves. ~smile~
We at PreEngaged wish you and your fixer-upper all the best!
Have you tried to change someone, or had someone try to change you? How did it affect your relationship with him or her?