It is true. The day is coming when sex will not always be on your mind. I know, right?!? Shocking, but true. ~smile~ When you are in the throes of everyday life, especially after children, you will have to fight to keep your marriage bed hopping!
Here are five tips for keeping marital intimacy a priority against all odds!
- Keep Your Bedroom Clean and Crisp! Even if the rest of your home is a pigsty, keep your bedroom clean, decluttered, and pleasant. You want your special place to be a sanctuary of rest and peace. It is hard to relax and clear your mind when there are piles of laundry everywhere, stacks of bills, and randomly placed odds and ends on top of every surface. It will take some work and organizing, but I recommend adopting the less is more Can you keep laundry baskets in another room or in a walk-in closet? Can you live with the basics? A bed, a dresser, and a couple of nightstands? The fewer items you store in your room, the fewer items you will have to clean. Create and maintain a peaceful place of escape and recreation. ~wink~
- Create Your Own Special Calendar. ~smile~ “Scheduling sex has to be one of the most unromantic ideas ever conceived!” said the young, unmarried couple who cannot wait for sex! In my unmarried days, the thought of ever needing to schedule sex would have seemed absurd. Why on earth would married couples not jump at the chance to have sex as often as possible? It is legal! Enjoy it, right?! Well, this may blow your minds, but married couples have full lives, get tired, and sometimes forget to prioritize their sexual relationship. Not so much in the first few months, but later when the novelty wears off a bit. A calendar is not an unromantic gesture; instead, it is an amazingly romantic gesture. Having a calendar says, “Our physical intimacy is important to us and we will do what we have to do to make sure nothing derails us from our plans to be together.” Most would agree that scheduled sex is far better than no sex at all! And having a calendar does not mean extra sex is not allowed. If it is not a regular night, go for it anyway! ~wink~
- Date Each Other – Often! When couples feel disconnected, it often shows in the bedroom. When a man and wife are emotionally close, desiring sexual intimacy is natural. However, unresolved conflicts, extra-curricular projects, and hobbies can slither their way in between couples. Sacredly held date nights allow couples to refocus on each other, and can lead to increased sexual desire.
- Play “Games.” I remember hearing the story of a young couple who put a dollar in a box every time they made love. They could not afford a honeymoon, so they decided to save for a fiftieth anniversary trip in this creative way. When their golden anniversary came, they had enough saved to take an all-expense paid, ten day vacation to Hawaii. Wow. Their special savings plan worked! Find a game that fits the two of you!
- Do Not Overbook Your Calendar. Learn to Say “No” to Others So You Can Say “Yes!” to Your Spouse. How does the word no feel rolling off your tongue? Is saying it a struggle? For some, saying “no” is a feat! My friend’s mom once told me she was going to send me into Walmart and make me walk up to random people and say, “No!” (Apparently, I am one of those people who have a hard time with this simple, two-letter word.) Your heart may be in the right place. You may truly want to bless people with your time and talents. However, the more you give to others, the less you will have for your marriage. Decide how much time you have to give, and then learn to say “no” to other opportunities. Projects and activities will come and go, but what you do for your marriage will last.
Nursing home workers everywhere will tell you that age does not keep a couple from enjoying each other. An old college friend of mine said she accidentally walked in on a married couple in bed when she worked at a nursing home! She was embarrassed beyond belief and likely started knocking on the door from then on!
I share that story to remind us all that we can enjoy an intimate relationship with our spouses for many years if we prioritize it. This couple prioritized it well, it would seem. ~smile~
Sex between spouses is not simply fun, but good and necessary. It is more than a physical experience, but it brings comfort, closeness, and meets a need in each other. Do not buy into the myth that sex is frivolous and other activities are more important. Keep this relationship sacred. Make time for it. Rearrange your schedule. Put the kids to bed a little early once in a while. Go on long weekends. A strong sexual relationship is often a sign of a strong emotional relationship.
How will you and your future spouse be sure to keep sex on the front burner of your marriage?