As this series comes to an end, we simply must mention goals. ~smile~ Yes, I know, we’ve spent a good amount of time at the beginning of this year recommending that couples create and strive after common goals. We have done so because we believe couples need a vision to guide their decisions in order to keep them working towards a reward which is much larger than themselves. (So, for one last time for a while…)
Today we have one simple question for you to ponder which will lead to big things: Can you envision setting and completing mutual goals with your sweetheart if you get married?
Couples Need Goals
People need goals. Countries need goals. Companies need goals. Without goals, we shrivel up. Couples also need goals. The initial attraction that brings two people together is not enough to maintain a relationship; but, when couples have goals, they become teammates.
Have you ever played a team sport or worked collaboratively with a group on an important project? Did you experience laughs, frustration, bonding moments, the joy of victory, and the agony of defeat together? Probably. Did it bring you closer? Probably.
Likewise, when a married couple sets out on a journey towards a common goal, they cease being roommates with benefits and become teammates. Roommates watch your life, advise you, and show you support; but, teammates jump into the ring with you and fight beside you until the end. “I’ll help you and you help me. We’ll make it together. When we get there, we’ll celebrate together. When I am weak, you can be strong, and when you are weak, I will be strong.” Which would you rather have in a mate? A supportive, observing roommate or a teammate who is as determined as you to win?
Goals are Spirit-Lifters
I’ve spent some years of my life floating. Though I kept on moving, I didn’t have a specific place to aim. After I graduated with my Master’s degree in 2009, I was a little lost. For the prior twenty-two years I’d always had a scholastic goal. To suddenly go from being a student to not being a student was a blow to my identity.
About a year later, I took part in an exercise competition organized through a lady at my church. It was just what a needed – something to run towards… literally! Even though it required a ton of walking, running on the elliptical, and time in front of my favorite exercise video, I won the competition. I don’t have a competitive nature, so I was not seeking to beat the pants off of my fellow competitors. I just needed something to shoot for so I could feel alive.
And it worked. I did feel alive. It was exciting! I may have worn my friends out talking about it, but I made a goal and reached it. That experience reminds me of how much more focused I am when I have a target to reach.
Since August 30th, I’ve been focusing on losing weight. I’m aiming for 100 lbs. to lose by August 30th, 2015. It sounds like an insane goal, but it keeps me going and keeps me focused. To make my goal even more real, I started a blog called Heather’s Hundred so I could share my victories and failures with others along the way. It allows me to feel supported and accountable. (Come join me over there!)
Even on days when I truly want to throw in the towel and eat my weight in donuts, I’m still thankful for this goal because I need to reach for something. We need those dreams to keep us young and sharp. Think about two elderly people sitting side by side. One has retired and refuses to spend any time working; whereas, the other has a handful of small goals. How do you imagine their faces and body language?
I see one man who is frustrated at what he can no longer do – and I see another man who is filled with hope because he has not quit on life. He’s decided he’s going to keep growing as long as he’s able.I see one man with a sour spirit – and one man with a hopeful spirit. Actively pursuing new heights lifts the spirit.
Reaching Goals Builds Confidence
The self-esteem movement has worked hard to boost children’s self-confidence; but, unfortunately, without real support to back up why they should feel good about themselves, kids grow up with a lack of true confidence. They may feel entitled to what they want; yet, that does not equal confidence.
There are scores of arrogant people out there who believe they are better than others because of where they grew up or who they know. Interestingly, you can be arrogant and lack self-confidence. Sometimes arrogance is an act.“I want to appear confident, so I’ll turn up my nose at others.”
Confident people believe they can accomplish what they set their minds to because they’ve done so in the past or believe they can in the future. It doesn’t mean they are worth more than others. It just means they have faith in their abilities.
A marriage of two confident people can gain more ground over a lifetime than a marriage of two insecure people – or of one confident person and one insecure person. Two people who believe in their abilities don’t have to battle through negative self-talk before taking on a new challenge. They can bypass all the drama and hit the ground running.
The more goals you make and accomplish together, the more wins you will have as a team. The more wins you have as a team, the more confidence you will build. The more confidence you have in yourself and each other, the more you will accomplish with your marriage. And the cycle gets stronger and stronger!
If you were not convinced before, I hope you are now. Goals and vision are essential to the health and well-being of a marriage since they produce confidence (in each person as well as the team). Keep growing. Keep reaching new heights together. Keep cheering each other on to greater accomplishments.
Can you envision setting and completing mutual goals with your sweetheart if you get married? Can you feel the confidence you’ll end up with?