Bad boys are some of the most attractive men on the planet. It seems odd that with all the warnings we hear about these guys, we ladies still find ourselves drawn to their smooth-talking, rebellious natures. Maybe it is because they seem cool and confident? Maybe it is because they appear strong enough to protect us? Maybe we just want to go against our parents’ wishes? Whatever the reason, bad boys have been plaguing women since the beginning – and we keep going back for more!
But, there comes a time when we have to think futuristically. “He may cause my heart to jump out of my chest now, but can I picture this man loving me unconditionally, being a role model for my kids, providing for us, and leading us spiritually?” As men come into your life and try to win your heart, notice their characters. Before falling into his arms and running off to the chapel, spend adequate time getting to know him – and beware of the following character traits:
- He Sweet Talks His Way Out of “Trouble.” When Eric messes up, he apologizes. He doesn’t try to woo me, tickle me, or make me forget that I’m angry with him. He sincerely apologizes for his actions. I respect a man who will face up to his wrongs and humble himself in an apology. If the guy you are considering makes light of his wrongs, or tries to charm his way out of consequences, beware.
- He’s Busy a lot, but Gets Annoyed When You Ask Him about His Plans. “I love you, Baby. You’re the only one for me. No, I can’t see you tonight. Why? You ask why? Because I’m busy, that’s why. I said I was busy, so stop nagging me!” Even though I loathe it when girls call their boyfriends’ cell phones all day asking for their whereabouts, I am equally annoyed when men disregard their girlfriends’ feelings by leaving them completely in the dark about their plans. “Sweetie, the guys and I are playing poker tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Women can breathe easier when we are kept in the loop. Plus, we trust our men more when they take the time to bring us up to speed on their plans. If your guy is often making plans, but refuses to tell you what he’s doing, there’s a good chance he may be up to no good.
- He Embarrasses You, Puts You Down, or Makes a Spectacle of You in Public. Read I Corinthians 13 and I guarantee you will not find a verse which says “Love makes someone feel foolish. Love breaks down confidence. Love laughs at someone else’s expense. Love makes one feel insecure and embarrassed.” If you find yourself in the company of a man who likes to make fun of you, remind yourself that your worth is defined by God and God alone. Pick up your purse and walk out! This man will not protect your heart or your honor.
- He Plays Mind Games with You – He Can’t Live without You One Day, but isn’t Sure if He Loves You Anymore on the Next Day. This game is so old and pathetic that it sickens me to know it still exists. If your guy has the gall to say, “I just don’t know what to do. Some days, I feel like I love you; but, other days, I’m not sure,” then make his decision easy for him. Hit the road and free him from his inner turmoil. You seriously don’t have time for such childish antics. Any man who is worthy of you will know how he feels about you before he requests your exclusive attention; and, not only that, but he will be committed to you regardless of how his feelings fluctuate. If your guy makes his decisions based on ever-changing emotions, he will be an unstable partner. Run away! Run away screaming! Warn the natives! “Double-minded-man loose in the camp! Hide your daughters!!!”
- He Has a Reputation with “The Girls.” If all the girls in town know him as a heartbreaker, don’t fall for his lines. Don’t assume you will be the one who can tame him. If you see him again in five years, and he has seriously grown up, held down a stable job, is striving to be more like Christ, and is in the market for a grown-up relationship, then you can revisit the possibility – but even then… with great caution.
- He Doesn’t Seem Interested in Spending Time with You. If he seems indifferent to you, he’s not into you. If he doesn’t care to spend time with you now, he’ll care even less once you’re married. Not everyone on Earth will find you desirable, and that’s good! Can you imagine how chaotic your life would be if they did? You need one solid, godly man and no more. So, happily free this one and wait on God’s perfect timing for the right one to come along.
- He Always Needs You to Buy Him Food and Give Him Rides – Yet He Still Reeks of Arrogance. This one makes me laugh. How many guys have you met that are broke, living at home, jobless, and yet demand respect from the world. It seriously cracks me up. Do they not know how ridiculous they look and sound? “I’m awesome because my momma told me I was awesome. And I have five participation trophies in my basement bedroom to prove it!” What drives me crazy is when I see perfectly nice, but obviously insecure, girls dating these guys! Not only dating them, but driving everywhere and buying everything for them. Honey, you are worth more! Get away from him swiftly! He is using you! Dads, show your daughters they are worth more!!! Brothers, warn your sisters about these wolves!!!
- He Practically Ignores You in Public, but Tries to Steal Your Resolve in Private. If you don’t matter to him in public, but he wants to fool around in private, walk away. Period.He has one thought in his head, and I guarantee you it has nothing to do with loving you as Christ loves the Church.
- He has No Close Friends, or His Friends are Trouble Makers. Birds of a feather do indeed flock together. If you are uneasy around his friends, don’t convince yourself that he is not like them. Why else would he want to be with them? We choose friends who are like us – if not in personality, in character. If he has no close friends, it could be that he has burned a lot of bridges, that he is selfish, or that he does not know how to manage relationships. This is not always the case, but if he does not have friends it is important to find out why. After all, if you marry him you will want to be his friend first and foremost.
- He Uses “Religion” as a Way to Get Close to You. If he goes to church with you to satisfy you, but has no interest in going when you are sick or out of town, he’s probably not someone you will want to follow spiritually. If He loves God, he won’t have to convince you with words. His actions will show the desires of his heart.
A good man is worth the wait. No matter where you have been or how you were raised, if you are in Christ, you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Don’t believe the lie that you deserve a guy who will treat you poorly because of mistakes you made in the past. Spend time with men and women who honor God, strive to become the woman God desires you to be, and wait patiently for God to act. A relationship with Him is more fulfilling than an earthly relationship anyway. Trust me; you would rather be single than married to a hateful, irresponsible, uncaring man.
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7, ESV).
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19, ESV).
“The righteous who walks in his integrity –blessed are his children after him” (Proverbs 20:7, ESV)!
Are you dating an honorable man? Are you willing to wait for a man of great character?