Some ladies are simply not ready to be in a serious relationship. I was this “lady” for several years. Granted, I was a kid, but I thought I was so mature. Needless to say, I made a lot of mistakes, hurt a lot of feelings, and got my own feelings hurt a lot. I simply was not ready for the commitment and responsibility adult relationships require. I am so thankful for God’s grace and that despite my mistakes he provided me with a godly man.
Then, there are some ladies who are old enough for a relationship, but lack the character to be a good girlfriend or spouse. If the pretty thing you are eyeing can be described in the following ways, use extreme caution! She may be growing up or she may have a poor character. Either way, she’s probably not right for you – at least not yet.
- She’s Flirtatious. If you are getting to know a girl who is openly seductive or flirtatious with other men, keep looking. She obviously thrives on male attention, and you don’t want to grow attached to her and then discover that she is cheating on you, even if just emotionally.
- She’s Discontent. Anyone who is always looking for more will probably bring their sweetheart a lot of pain over the years. If her car is not good enough, her home is not good enough, her job is not good enough, her social status is not good enough, and her overall life is not good enough, what makes you think you will ever be good enough for her unrealistic tastes? Look for someone who wants to keep improving, but who can also enjoy and appreciate what she already has in life!
- She Wants You to Spend Large Amounts of Money on Her. Call me old fashioned, but I still love it when a man picks up his date in a clean vehicle, takes her out to dinner, and does not expect her to pay. However, I am not a fan of women who expect their dates to go broke trying to impress them. If my brother-in-law, cousin, or close male friend told me that he was dating a girl who wanted to be wined and dined at only the finest restaurants, I would tell him to run for his life! If you marry a woman who loves to spend money, and expects you to keep earning it so she can blow it, you are going to get tired fast. Find a woman who is realistic about money, and then treat her like a queen. ~smile~ A woman who will find ways to help you keep your money is quite a treasure!
- She Laughs at You and Makes Fun of You. Um, no. If your honey gets a kick out of making you look like a fool, she is not for you. If she does it once without realizing the error of her ways, and then promptly changes her behavior when you address it, show her some grace. However, if she thinks there is nothing wrong with putting you down in public and having a few laughs at your dignity’s expense, then move on swiftly. Find a woman who builds you up.
- She Disrespects You – In Public and/or in Private. Maybe your girl does not laugh at you in public, but does she yell at you, accuse you, show disgust towards you, or rip you apart whenever she sees fit? You will make mistakes, and whoever you marry will have the right to be angry with you when you hurt her; however, she can be angry without lashing out at you (and vice versa). If your girl explodes on you often, or shows a general lack of respect towards you, ask yourself, “Would I want to live with this every day of my life?” If you sense that her anger comes from past abuse, you may want to gently suggest counseling.
- She Waffles Between Being Friends and Being in a Romantic Relationship. If she does not want to commit to you in public, but likes to canoodle in private, she’s probably using you until someone new and exciting comes along. God has a purpose for your life. Do you really want to tie yourself down to someone who is ashamed of you, or not interested in committing to you? Progressions from stage to stage should be solid and defined. We are friends. We are dating. We are engaged. Not, we are friends today, but yesterday we were holding hands and cuddling at the movies. If she waffles back and forth, she’s probably not the one – at least not now.
- She Talks Incessantly about Her Ex, either Positively or Negatively. If she’s talking about him all the time, he is still on her mind. Even if she’s a nice girl, she’s probably not ready to commit to you; and, you know you don’t want to be a rebound.
- She Doesn’t Want You Around Her Friends. Friends are a girl’s lifeline. We go to our friends for advice, for a good time, and for affirmation. We care about our friends’ opinions, and it bothers us when they disapprove of our choices. If she is keeping you away from her friends indefinitely, ask her why. It could be that she does not want you to discover tidbits about the real her, or it could be that she is uncomfortable with what her friends would say (or might think) about your relationship. It could also be because she has no intentions of making you a permanent part of her life, and therefore does not want you to become a part of her circle.
- She Tries to Lure You Sexually. Sadly, some girls know no other way of gaining a man’s attention. From a young age, they are taught to flaunt skin in exchange for affection. It’s heartbreaking and I wish all girls knew that their worth is not found in their physical bodies. If you are a godly man who is determined to follow Christ with your whole heart, you need a woman who is doing the same. If you are getting to know a girl who continuously tries to seduce you, run away like Joseph did from Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39). If you stay, you will likely eventually give in to the temptation. However, if she tries to seduce you once, but then stops the behavior immediately when you ask her to, talk to her about Christ. Show her His promises in scripture. Get her in touch with a woman who can mentor her. Then later, if her life begins to show the fruit of salvation, consider getting to know her better.
- She Says She Loves Jesus, but Shows No Fruit of Salvation (i.e., Regeneration; a Changed Heart). Some women you meet will know nothing about the saving grace of Jesus Christ. When you talk to them, you have a prime opportunity to share the gospel. And then, there are some women who know how to walk, talk, and act like a Christian when it suits them, but in private they prove to be nothing of the sort. If she quotes Scripture and says she’s a Christ follower, but she sees nothing wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, slandering, seducing, and rebelling, she is contradicting herself. She is either a believer or she is not. There is no such entity as a “part-time,” or “Sunday Christian.”
Your quest for a godly woman of strong character is an honorable one. Keep the faith, don’t settle, and remember that your worst day as a single man is better than your best day with a quarrelsome, bitter, or unrestrained wife.
“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 21:9, ESV).
“For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword” (Proverbs 5:3-4, ESV).
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (Proverbs 31:10, ESV).
What traits are you looking for in a wife?