July 24th, 1998, I waited with butterflies in my stomach for him to pick me up for our first date. Some folks at our church said we would make a good match; so, regardless of my young age, they went to work and introduced us. Up until this point, my dates were not traditional. They were more like: Boy meets girl in youth group. Boy and girl flirt. Eventually, boy and girl hold hands during the Sunday evening service. Boy and girl talk on the phone some for a few months. Then, boy and girl break up and life is completely over for about a week before the next round of flirting begins. … [Read more...]

Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction. In other words, stonewalling is when one person shuts down and closes himself/herself off from the other. It is a lack of responsiveness to your partner and the interaction between the two of you.  Rather than confronting the issues (which tend to accumulate!) with our partner, we make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, acting busy, or engaging in obsessive behaviors. It takes time for the negativity created by the first three horsemen to become overwhelming enough that stonewalling becomes an understandable … [Read more...]

“Dear January. We’re sorry. We’ve made you all diets and cleanses. The thing is food isn’t a resolution. It’s fuel for our resolutions. Fuel to power us – made for us. January, you deserve better. You’re not a bad month. You’re our beginning.” – Special K Commercial About a decade ago, I graced the doors of our local Weight Watchers building for a few months. I joined with a friend and, for a while, I did okay. I lost a little weight (emphasis on little). The problem was not with Weight Watchers, but with the fact that I only half-followed the plan. After a few months of quiet, intimate … [Read more...]