Is complete honesty really the best policy? Some people would say no. They would say that if you were always honest with your spouse, you would always be at odds with your spouse. This actually could be a true statement depending on how you define ‘honesty’ in your relationship. Some people think it is best to be honest at all costs and in all situations. I would agree with that statement when it comes to answering questions. For example, if your wife comes out of the bedroom in a dress that was a little snug and she asks you “Honey, is this dress a little tight on me?” the answer should be … [Read more...]

The older I get, the more I realize how much people appreciate being heard. I remember some people from my childhood that had a reputation for talking incessantly. They always seemed to be talking to someone, but rarely did people seek them out. They usually had to chase people down to talk to them. I also remember several quiet, meek, sweet people who were always in a conversation. Some would wait in line for a chance to talk to these people. It took a long time for me to realize that these ladies and gentlemen were not popular simply because they were pleasant to talk to - they were … [Read more...]

When I was nineteen, I had a sociology professor that reminded me of Phoebe from the television show, Friends. My professor may have seemed flaky, but she gave me an amazing tool to use that has helped our marriage tremendously.... Most of us have heard someone say, "On a scale from 1 to 10...," but I haven't met many people who use this rating scale in daily life. Let me tell you, it's awesome! You can save yourself from wondering what the other person is really thinking on many occasions using this system. For example, let's say you ask your boyfriend or girlfriend if a particular … [Read more...]

Nagging… in short, it's obnoxious and it does not produce desirable results. If you were to poll married men, or men who have been in a long term dating relationship, and asked them to list their top five things they absolutely cannot stand in male/female relationships, I would expect most of them to list nagging. Being nagged can feel like listening to nails on a chalkboard. While traditionally considered a female character trait, there are men who nag as well. They may prefer to call it “reminding” (as many women do); yet, at the end of the day, the recipient feels exactly the same after … [Read more...]

Sometimes I wonder if the divorce rate would go down if we were all mute. Really, what gets us in more trouble than our tongues? Sure, our actions speak louder than our words, but our word to action ratio is heavy on the word side.  Overall, we are likely hurt our spouse more with our words than with our actions. James 3:8-9 says, "but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God." (ESV) The power of life and death is in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). Let's … [Read more...]