Some days, I feel like I’ve been married forever – I don’t mean that in a bad way. After you’ve been married for a while, it’s easy to forget what life was like before you were someone’s husband or wife. However, when I think back to my dating days, I quickly remember the frustrations. Sweet, older people would advise me about not kissing my boyfriends. Mom would tell me how inappropriate it was to hug boys (she was right, but I hated hearing it!). My parents and grandparents generations would say, “Be careful! Guard your heart!” Whereas, my generation would say, “Don’t get caught!” or “What’s … [Read more...]

Sex and intimacy are the same, right? Wrong. That is the message we keep hearing, but sex is not intimacy. Sex within marriage may be a result of intimacy, but we can be intimate with a lot of people. Hillerstrom lists five levels of intimacy in his chapter The Search for Intimacy. The first few levels are fairly safe. We don’t have to expose are true selves much at those levels. But once we get to the higher levels, that is when we begin to open up and share our real selves. Intimacy and the Premature Physical Relationship Becoming sexually involved prior to marriage can feel like intimacy … [Read more...]

Do you remember me talking about my favorite undergraduate class, PSYC 361 (Marriage and Family Psychology)? One of the books assigned in that class was called Intimate Deception by P. Roger Hillerstrom. It was such a tremendous book!  Though it would be sufficient, Hillerstrom didn’t just say, “The Bible says don’t have sex outside of marriage, so don’t!” He took scientific research and showed us why God’s plan for sexuality is the only healthy way. Sadly, I don’t think Intimate Deception is still in print, but never fear! He has another book he co-authored with his daughter entitled The … [Read more...]