Confronting is not my favorite pastime. In fact, I am notorious for complaining about situations to the wrong people. As a child, instead of confronting my friends, I would complain to my mother about them. One day, she jolted me back into reality when she said, "Heather, do you like any of your friends?" Of course I liked them... I loved them! Unfortunately, my fear of conflict and my accommodator and abdicator tendencies prevented me from addressing the right people. Have you ever practiced confrontation (or perhaps telling someone off) in the bathroom mirror only to lose your nerve and … [Read more...]
What’s Your Conflict Management Style? (Book Review, Confronting Without Offending, Part 2)
We all have different ways of dealing with conflict. Some of us like to attack it head on (possibly even enjoying it a little). Some of us do whatever it takes to keep the offending party happy, possibly even giving into the myth that ignoring problems is good and noble. Some of us just run away. When the going gets tough, these folks get going... in the opposite direction. And then, there are some of us who choose to work together to find a happy solution for all. Deborah Smith Pegues dedicates a chapter in her book, Confronting Without Offending, to each of these conflict management … [Read more...]
To Confront or Not to Confront… That is the Question (Book Review, Confronting Without Offending, Part 1)
Who does not love a good fight? The tears, the hurt feelings, the raised voices – is it not just great? (Yes, that was sarcasm.) Most of us either hate fighting or fear it. We want to calmly work through problems and enjoy mutual understanding and respect, but we avoid confronting each other for fear that it will turn into a fight. If there is one sin with which most of us contend, it is pride. When our faults are exposed, we tend to lash out in defensiveness which brings the communication process to a screeching halt. What I adore about Deborah Smith Pegues’ book, Confronting Without … [Read more...]