“When he breaks your heart, do not come crying to me!” I can remember my mom uttering these words when I was determined to stay in a relationship with a guy she knew was bad news. Not only that, she knew he would hurt me in one way or another. No big surprise, she was right. After not hearing from him for an entire weekend, he finally called to break up with me. Interestingly, I dreamed he broke up with me the night before and the actual breakup was basically identical to the dream. I made a few immature comments about how he did not know what love was all about (did I mention I was … [Read more...]

“Marriage is give and take, 50/50. Each person has to put in an equal amount.” This dandy piece of advice has been handed down throughout the generations; and, while the counsel is well-intentioned, this marriage model simply does not work. Here are a few reasons why: We are human. We are not always able to bring our 50%. When we are discouraged, sick, overwhelmed, or distracted we struggle, or may not even try, to put in our half of the load. It is a recipe for bitterness. Because we are human and cannot always give our 50%, our other half can become embittered towards us for … [Read more...]

When Eric and I were dating, I placed him at the absolute top of my priority list. He trumped school, friends, work – nothing mattered more to me than him. We dated, became engaged, planned a wedding, said our vows, went on a honeymoon, came home and immediately began struggling to prioritize each other. I suppose the dating was fun and relatively free of responsibility. The engagement was filled with decisions, thinking about the future, and being in awe of the fact that we were going to be married. Once we crossed the threshold into our new life together, the excitement of that … [Read more...]

It does not work out every Friday night, but when it does, Eric and I enjoy taking a salad, dessert, and games over to our friends’ house. They make homemade pizza and we enjoy dessert and coffee, and Eric or I (or both) usually take part in a rousing round of hide-and-seek or some other active game with their super adorable children (and I am not just saying that – they are crazy cute). Once the pizza and play portion of the evening is passed (i.e., the kids are in bed), the adults flop onto comfortable furniture and decompress. Sometimes the conversations start shallow, but it does not … [Read more...]