As we near the end of our coaching sessions, we always ask our clients, “What are the three elements you found most helpful from this pre-engagement program?” Almost 100% of our couples have enthusiastically listed the PAIR Test (Psychological Audit of Interpersonal Relationships) as one of the most beneficial elements of the program.
We work with couples via Skype and Google Hangouts and begin our eight-week pre-engagement coaching program by administering the PAIR Test and because the test illuminates so many topics, we dedicate the first two sessions to talking through the results with our clients. So many conversations are birthed during these sessions as couples realize why they interact with each other the way they do.
“So, that is why you get so angry with me when I pick you up in a dirty car. Now it makes sense.”
“Is this why we can never seem to pick a restaurant?”
“You say I am always misjudging you. Is this why?”
Ten Years and We Are Still Lovin’ It!
Eric and I first met the beloved PAIR Test in graduate school. One of our professors owned the copyright to it and trained us to use it. Since then, it has been our favorite test to administer because it brings the most clarity of any relational test we have ever seen. On one convenient chart, couples can see how they relate to each other in twenty categories. And, it is not limited to romantic couples! Any two people can actually take this test!
- Parents and children.
- Employers and employees.
- Ministry partners or business partners.
It is an enlightening process because it not only shows how two people relate, but it points out key aspects of each of their personalities and worldviews. Though the power of the test is in comparing two people together, even if people take the test alone, they can still learn a great deal about themselves. Occasionally, I pull out my most recent copy just to remind myself of where I fall in certain categories.
I last took the administration with my best friend last year and it explained so much about our specific dynamic! If we had only taken it fifteen years ago, we might have avoided some rough patches! After we completed the test and worked through each section, I felt closer to her than I ever have before. We said some words we needed to say. We apologized for some hurts we caused each other in the past. We got emotional. It was a cleansing and eye-opening experience for both of us.
The PAIR Test Has Blessed Our Marriage
As I have stated repeatedly in other posts, Eric and I are nothing alike personality-wise. Often we scratch our heads thinking,
“How can he see the world that way? Am I missing something?”
“She is still struggling with that same issue? Why will she not work through it and move on with her life?! It is holding her back!”
The PAIR Test has blessed us by offering us the opportunity to step outside of our emotions and objectively look at who each of us is. Our graph is based on our own answers to 500 quick questions, so we know it truly represents each of us.
When I get aggravated with him for “encouraging” me to get more work done, I can take a peek at our results and remember why he feels compelled to do that, and… why I do not like it. ~wink~ It may sound odd, but I feel more compassion for him when I look at our results because it reminds me of how he is wired. Though I will never love certain aspects of our unique dynamic, I can appreciate him more after seeing his results and understanding his way of viewing the world.
We Want To Bless Someone with a Free PAIR Test Experience!
Since the PAIR Test has been such an enormous blessing to our marriage and our clients’ relationships, we want to bless one of our readers with the chance to take the PAIR Test for free! This prize includes the cost of the test along with two, two-hour coaching sessions where Eric and I will go over the results step-by-step, give insights and recommendations based on the couple’s specific dynamics, and share some laughs – a $198 value!
To enter the drawing for this blessing, go to our Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/PreEngaged) and share a post which was meaningful for you! Each share will be an entry into a drawing for the free PAIR Test (only one share per post will qualify). If you say why the post was meaningful for you on the post’s share, it will qualify as an additional entry into the drawing. Sharing posts between now through the end of next weekend (February 26 through March 6) will qualify. The winner will be contacted through Facebook and announced on the Facebook page. Ready, set, share!!!
If you and your sweetheart are interested in pre-engagement counseling, but you are not quite ready to take that step, we recommend starting with the PAIR Test – the first two sessions of our pre-engagement program. It will provide you with an excellent start to your pre-marriage preparation; and, if you want to continue on to the full program, you simply pay the difference if you book it within six months of taking the PAIR Test.
We hope you will enter to win and please encourage others who could benefit from this experience to enter as well!
How might your relationship benefit from the PAIR Test? [Comment below!][Edit: The above contest was for February 2016 and is now completed. Stay tuned for further opportunities!]