Eric was talking about various topics with one of our friends about our blog here at PreEngaged. The topic of physical abuse came up and she mentioned that she had a past in receiving such abuse. Eric was shocked. He would have never guessed that this individual would have gone through such abuse because she is now a strong, independent woman. He asked her if she would be willing to write a testimonial to help our readers and she accepted – though, she still wants to remain anonymous. If you, or someone you know, is being abused, we hope this testimonial helps you.
The concept of physical and verbal abuse runs rampant in today’s relationship culture. Unfortunately, I was one of the victims of these two types of abuse in a past relationship. For the first time, I am telling my story to hopefully help those that are currently involved in this type of relationship or those that have been involved in this type of relationship previously.
I would like to start by saying that in no way shape or form is it ever acceptable for a woman to be physically or verbally abused. In my past relationship, I was living with the myth that this type of behavior was tolerable and should never be talked about with anyone. I had been dating my boyfriend, at the time, for approximately two years before the physical and verbal abuse really came to a peak, but there had been signs all along that I had ignored and brushed off to anger issues that were manageable on his part.
My boyfriend and I argued multiple times a day and our arguments typically would escalate to a point where he would get very angry with me and would physically punch the closest object to him. This object started with his car or a wall and eventually became me.
I will never forget one incident where we had been arguing in a the courtyard of the university we were both attending at the time. This was a turning point because for the first time he took his anger out on me for the public eye to see. Initially, everything was behind closed doors and no one ever knew it was going on, which is how he preferred it in order to uphold his reputation as a “solid Christian man.” The argument ended with him pushing me on the ground very roughly without remorse. I imagine most people being shoved to the ground would have walked off and never spoke to the one who shoved again, but I blamed myself for how the argument ended and tricked myself into thinking that I needed to change and work on issues within myself. He made me feel horrible about how I was acting and that I needed to adjust my behavior and actions towards him and I believed him.
Our relationship continued and the abuse escalated as a result from just words of anger to being locked in his car and him not allowing me to get out on several occasions, threatening me that if I would not change he would end the relationship and on one occasion he opened the car door to throw me out of his moving vehicle, which thankfully he changed his mind on. Some of my closer friends noticed that we had been arguing a lot more publicly but never picked up on the abuse and I never talked about it with anyone.
Looking back, I realize now that all of this behavior was unacceptable and I should never have tolerated it. There are also many times that I look back and realize how blinded I was to the situation because of how much I loved him, or so I thought.
A lot of people may attribute my ignorance to a bad childhood or past abuse from my father, but for me this was not the case. I grew up in a Christian home where both of my parents were heavily involved in my upbringing and loved me unconditionally. Thankfully, the Lord delivered me from this relationship with just some emotional scars. Unfortunately, this past boyfriend went on to abuse many of my close girlfriends for several years after our relationship ended.
Not long after we broke up, I started dating a guy who two years later became my husband. We have been married for a little over four years and it has been nothing short of incredible.
I hope that this story encourages you to stand up for yourself as a woman and understand that this type of abuse should never go unattended and you should flee from this type of relationship. I also encourage you that there are men out there that love the Lord and will love you as Christ loves the church.
Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to share this story as I know this issue runs rampant in relationships today.
[divider top=”0″]This is a somber topic, but a real issue in relationships. If you are dating and being abused, get the support you need to get out of the relationship. It has been well-documented that those who are physically abused in marriage were very often physically abused while dating. It will only get worse once the marital commitment is made.
If you have a friend who you suspect is being abused, talk to him or her about it. Be willing to come alongside the person to give him or her the support he or she needs to resolve the issue (whether by breaking up, if dating; or separation, if married).
If you have any comments for this anonymous author, please add them below.