Have you and your boyfriend/girlfriend discussed whether or not you would like to have pets once you are married? Of all the topics to cover before getting engaged, this isn’t the most important, but pets will affect your lives. So, we suggest discussing your views on pets and desires for pets before moving toward engagement.
Obviously the first question you would need to pose to your boyfriend/girlfriend is, “Do you want any pets?” If you both answer in a resounding “NO!” then the conversation doesn’t need to continue ~smile~. However, if you both want pets – or only one of you wants pets, I would recommend diving somewhat deeper into the subject.
For instance, how many pets do you want and what kind of pets? Wanting pets is a good desire to have in common, but if she wants a fluffy puppy and he wants a king snake, that can be a tough compromise to reach. Do you want pets that are primarily indoors or outdoors? How do you feel about pets on the furniture? Do you foresee pets taking on a family member role (e.g., going on vacations with you, etc.) or will they be treated strictly as pets? Also, how much money do you think is reasonable to spend on a pet – and what about maintenance costs such as food and medical expenses? Are you both in agreement?
If only one of you wants a pet, is the other open to the idea or vehemently opposed to it? Is living without a pet something you are willing to do, or is it a deal breaker? Pets are a much bigger responsibility than most people realize when they first adopt them, so when you say “yes” to a pet, you are saying “goodbye” to some of your freedom – and there are varying levels of sacrifices depending on which pet you have. Fish are a matter of feeding and cleaning the bowl/aquarium; whereas, a dog requires exercise, food, bathroom duties (which can be in the middle of the night), a lot of attention, and routine grooming. And if you get a dog when he or she is a puppy, they are like infants… that can walk.
My doggie is a huge part of my world, but since I didn’t grow up with pets, I didn’t realize how much work she would be. Now that she’s over two years old she’s not as much work anymore. She’s asleep next to me where she usually is, but when she was under a year old she was a loud, whining, bundle of love and aggravation.
Eric and I both wanted a golden retriever, but I wanted to get one very shortly after we got married. He knew that I would eventually come home from working outside the home, so he made a firm decision that we needed to wait until somebody was home during the day if we were going to get a puppy. I fought him on it for the years I was still working outside the home, but after getting her, I was so glad he had not backed down!
Millions of people both care for dogs and work outside the home, but I had a warped understanding of what it would be like. I didn’t think about her making me late for work because she wouldn’t go to the bathroom or her escaping from her crate and eating my furniture. For our lifestyle (I tend to stay in bed until the last possible minute), we did not need the stress of a pet while we were working and going to school.
{Eric’s note: Additionally, I learned that the first six months of a dog’s life is the main window of opportunity for training – and I knew that if both of us were at work, that time would be squandered away. When we got our dog, Heather worked a lot with her to train her – and because of that faithful work, we now have an amazing dog who (for the most part) obeys our commands – including to “come” when she wants to frolick away ~smile~}
Personally, I think pets have a way of making a house a home, but they need a lot of love and attention. If you don’t have the time, desire, and resources to take care of them, then reconsider getting one. Take some time and discuss the pros and cons of having pets with each other. Chances are you will both change over time, but it’s good to have a basic understanding of each other’s preferences when it comes to pets. And perhaps as a date activity, do some pet sitting together to see what taking care of an animal entails!
Do you want a furry, fluttery, or scaly pet in your life? Are you and your future spouse in agreement?