Recently, my husband liked a quote on Facebook from Gary Chapman which read, “When a man is down, he needs his wife’s gentle arm and soft assurance that things will work out.” In my head, I am that gentle woman who is always there and ready to support and assure Eric that everything will work out. But, for reassurance, I asked Eric if he felt a lack of support and assurance from me. He looked at me with big eyes and shook his head… yes.
Wow. Sometimes what we see in ourselves is not true. We can think that we are doing so well in our relationships, but it’s good to ask for a progress report from time to time. Most people don’t air their grievances about every small fault in their significant other’s or spouse’s life, so occasionally it is good to ask your sweetie if he or she is in need of anything from you that you are not currently providing. If your significant other or spouse does ask you this question, don’t take advantage of his or her desire to improve your relationship, but don’t hold back either. If you need something from your man or lady, gently let your needs be known.
The key word here is: gentle. We all need gentleness from those we love and from those with whom we must coexist. Children need gentleness from their parents (paired with necessary firmness, of course). We respond better to authority figures that approach us with gentleness and respect than those who yell demands and bark about our shortcomings. From our spouse, or future spouse, we need gentleness most of all. We need gentleness in confrontation. We need gentleness when we talk about the trials in our lives. We also need that gentle hug that lets us know everything is going to be alright.
Knowing that I am not providing Eric with the assurance and support he’s wanting is a real eye opener for me. Now I am determined to notice how I interact with him, especially when he is talking about work or other stressors in his life. Maybe I’ve only been half listening? Maybe I’ve been focused on what I’m doing and haven’t picked up on the tension in his voice. Whatever the reason, Eric has let me know that he is in need of more support and I want to do what I can to give him more warmth and gentleness.
Here are three ways I can support him better (and ways you can support yours):
- I think I can support him more is by listening more intently. I try to multitask too much even though I know I am not a gifted multitasker. When he talks, he needs me to listen with my face and not just with the one ear that’s pointed in his direction while I type away on the computer or play a game.
- In addition to listening, he needs my feedback, but not a quick “why this idea won’t work” feedback. He needs my affirmation, my concerns, and my ideas for improvement.
- Last, but not least, he needs hugs. He may not seem like the type that needs a lot of hugs from those that know him, but he’s a big teddy bear at home. Your man or woman may not need hugs as much, but there is definitely something he or she does need. Find out how you can support him or her better and go for it! ~smile~
- {Eric’s note: And for a fourth way — guys… she may need your support by affirming that the situation in question will be alright. You can also show her support by listening to her talk about the issue without trying to fix the situation! (She will likely feel better by verbalizing it and getting it outside of her mind.)}
Have you found an effective way(s) of showing support to your boyfriend/girlfriend or fiancé/fiancée? Comment and let us know!