Our golden retriever, Ramsey, has entered a phase where she stops and decides if she’s going to obey me or not. She obeys Eric automatically {Eric’s note: most of the time, not always}, but it feels like I have the word ‘pushover’ stamped on my forehead.
This past week, she was playing outside when she spotted a little boy from down the street riding on his scooter. When the little boy stopped to play with another dog, her insides looked like they were going to come wiggling out. The temptation to run across the street and play was so great! Then, it happened… she couldn’t take it anymore and she ran out in the street to say, “Hello!!!” (We have trained her not to do this because she does not look for cars when running out into the street, but she is the strongest extraverted creature we have ever met! Her whole body gets excited when the doorbell rings. Her excitedly “saying hello” to others – before being released to do so – is the one area we’ve had a very hard time breaking.) This is when I started saying all the command phrases such as, “Ramsey, COME! Ramsey, get back over here right now! Ramsey, I said COME!” After the few commands didn’t work, the little boy yelled to me, “Just get a stick!”
For a moment a wave of adult embarrassment came over me. This little kid was right. All I had to do was get a stick, wave it around, and she would come running. When he wanted to play with her in the past, he got a stick and she’d always come right to him. Next time she runs off, I’m grabbing a stick and waving it around!
Kids are amazing at simplifying life. As we get older, our patterns of living get set and we become so used to daily complications that we have difficulty with looking at life through a clear lens. If I had been thinking clearly, I would’ve thought of the stick trick myself. I’m glad the little boy from down the street was able to momentarily knock me down from my high horse.
When I was a kid, Mom remembers times when she would be stressing out about something and I would just pray. My childlike faith was not worried about the situation and they all worked out just fine. If I could only have that little girl back!
Do you find yourself overcomplicating your circumstances? When it comes to relationships, do you find yourself looking through a scratched lens or a clear lens? If so, learn a lesson from that little boy.
Slow down and think about what your girlfriend wants. She’s crying. You could ask her, “What’s wrong?” in a frustrated tone because her emotions make no sense to you. You could not say anything because you fear talking more would make matters worse. Or, you could stop and think “What do women want when they are crying?” They want comfort, a shoulder (preferably yours), to be heard and understood, and if necessary, an apology. It’s as simple as that. Unfortunately, women are known for overcomplicating simple situations. And if she does not accept your simple and sincere approach, give her time to come down from her wave of emotion.
Now, let’s flip the coin. You’re on a date, harsh words are exchanged, and your boyfriend walks away. You may be tempted to chase him down, babbling either apologies or more angry words. Take a moment and think about what a man wants when he walks away. It’s not complicated if you look at it through a clear lens. He wants to be somewhere else – obviously… that’s why he walked away (unlike females, most males do not want to be chased). Give him space, let him clear his mind, think about the issue, and then when he comes back, you can calmly work through your problem (ask him if it is a good time first – and if not, ask him to give you a specific time that it will be good).
So many relationship issues are blown out of proportion because we get in our own way of solving the issue calmly and create bigger problems out of small problems. Drama has never been a true blessing to your life. It may liven up your relationship for a while, but it is often at a grand cost. You can’t change your boyfriend or girlfriend, but you can take steps toward living your life in a less complicated, more simplistic manner.
In what ways have you overcomplicated your relationship?
Leave a Reply