It is that special time again. After weeks of smiling, kindness, shoulder rubs, and thoughtful phone conversations, your precious rose starts… changing. Suddenly, she begins offering short and edgy responses to perfectly normal questions. Then, she bats your hand away when you touch her. Her typically laid back driving is suddenly replaced with snide remarks, honking horns, and, dare I say, even the occasional hand gesture. Your jokes make her cry and your work stories make her laugh.
Who is this crazy woman and how can I get my girlfriend back?
Does this sound familiar?
Some women experience pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS) mildly – just a temporary discomfort and possibly a bit of fatigue. On the other end of the spectrum, other women call in sick to work because there is just no point in trying to get out of bed. After about a week of wanting to claw people’s eyes out for no apparent reason, they settle in for a few days of cramps, bloating, exhaustion, and nausea – and that is on a good month! Most women fall somewhere between the two extremes.
Hormones or Contempt – The Continuing Debate
The age old debate is whether or not PMS actually causes women to act out of sorts or if women use it as an excuse to treat their guys like dirt a few days out of every month. Well, I cannot speak for all women, but I feel confident in speculating that the majority of women experience multiple symptoms that put them in a grouchy mood. This is not an excuse to be mean, but it explains why we struggle to hold back our inner-tiger.
Guys, picture yourself having just stuffed yourself with a big meal – to the point of extreme discomfort. As you walk from your car to the house, you get stung by a bee and in the confusion bang your head as you walk through the door. You feel sick, you are in pain, and your head is throbbing. Your girlfriend meets you at the door with a smile and a hug and you sharply move past her. She does not understand; she thinks (and may even say), “What did I do? I am just trying to love on you!”
Nothing. She did nothing wrong. She just happened to be in his path at the wrong time.
And that is what it is like with us, fellas. Minor aggravations seem magnified times a thousand when our hormones turn us into Mr. Hyde.
The Burger That Broke Heather’s Back
Several years ago, Eric asked me to bring him a burger from Buffalo Wild Wings. It was nearing the beginning of the school year (which is a tough time for those who work directly with students as I did) and as I waited for them to complete his order, I saw several students pour into the restaurant. The main road through town was crawling with college students who were back for the year but not yet saddled with homework and projects. Their presence reminded me that another school year was coming. The work. The stress. The panicked e-mails. They were all just days away. “I am not ready for summer to end!!!” I got Eric’s burger and went home.
When I returned home, Eric opened his sandwich, looked at me and calmly commented that it was not the sandwich he requested. At that moment, I fell into my computer chair and began balling hysterically. “I cannot even get you the right burger. Wwwhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa!!!” Through the blur of my tears I could see a shocked, speechless Eric staring at me in disbelief. “It is okay. It is just a burger.” It makes me laugh now, but at the time it was truly tragic. (Eric is no longer shocked by such occurrences. ~smile~)
Can You Escape the Wrath?
So, is your woman using her time of the month manipulatively to get her way? Probably not. I am sure some do, but the women I know simply feel terrible during their visits from Aunt Flo, Cousin Dot, or whatever your woman happens to call her “monthly visitor.” We would rather feel emotionally stable and physically well than treat you poorly. Ladies often regret turning into homicidal maniacs and mistreating the people they love. ~smile~ We do. We really do.
Again, I am not saying that women have a right to treat their men like trash when they are on a hormonal roller coaster; yet, it is unlikely that you will escape the occasional flare up no matter how tender and precious your woman usually is. Just as you need us to give you grace at times, we need you to extend grace our way as well.
And, please, whatever you do… do not flippantly ask us if we have PMS. Even if the answer is a resounding “yes,” we take offense to the question. It is safest to assume we do and to proceed with caution. ~smile~ “So what if I have PMS or not? I would be angry with you for leaving your shoes in the middle of the floor anyway! And any woman would have thrown them in the street. My PMS is not the problem. You are a jerk!”
Welcome to PMS-land. Get your tissues, your bathroom equipment, your Motrin, your pillow, and your heating pad. “Enjoy” your stay. ~smile~
Here are a few ways you can comfort your sweetie when she is suffering:
- Calmly listen to her no matter how little sense she is making.
- Bring her chocolate and/or coffee.
- Run an errand for her.
- Offer to help her with a chore she hates.
- Ask if she would like a hug or if she wants to rest her head on your shoulder. She may say no at first and then come to you crying five minutes later. (I can say that because I can totally see me doing that. ~smile~)
- Give her space. Try not to leave in a huff no matter how out of sorts she seems. If it is clear that hanging around is not helping, leave calmly and tell her when you will see her again.
- Text her a couple times a day to check on her. Less if she is an independent type of person. More if she appreciates some extra support.
- Forgive her. Imagine being poked in the arm for a minute. It would be mildly annoying. After twenty minutes, it would hurt and you would want to throw something, break something, or scream.
Each woman is different, so it is a good idea to know how this phenomenon affects your lady. She may have mild symptoms or she may experience extreme discomfort and mood swings. The more you discover about her patterns now, the less you will suffer later. ~wink~
We really do love you, guys. Please remember that the next time we burst into uncontrollable tears, accuse you unjustly, throw something, or laugh at you for no apparent reason. We are not crazy. We are women… and, well, Eve ate the forbidden fruit.
How do you comfort your sweetie when she is in need of a little extra TLC?
{Eric’s note: One of the most helpful ways PMS was explained to me is that the woman is “on edge.” A hormonal response is an exaggerated response, but the response itself at its core often has the same logic. So, leaving your shoes in the middle of the floor on a normal day may receive a mild request to move them; whereas, an “on edge” response may be an emotional outburst about his cleanliness. The first response an intensity level at a 2; the latter, at a 9 – but, the same core content/meaning in response in both cases.}