The below post has been one of the most upvoted posts on our site. In this Year of Hindsight, we are revisiting several highly upvoted posts and are highlighting and updating them!
A few years back, I came across a study comparing the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to love languages. A group of each MBTI preference type ranked their love languages from most desired to least desired. Surprisingly, the love language of Gifts was not ranked highest for any of the sixteen types. In fact, it was the lowest ranked in most of the preference types. It is not uncommon to hear people say, “I don’t know my love language. I like them all… except for Gifts.”
Because Gifts is arguably the love language with the least population, most of us are not great at speaking that language. Sure, we faithfully give Christmas and birthday presents, but do we give in a way which touches the heart of a Gifts person?
Though I am only a few years from the age of forty, I am still struggling my way through this language. It is not Eric’s primary language either; but, two of my dear friends speak it dominantly and some days I wonder if I will ever become fluent in it. I am sure that if I continue working, studying, and paying close attention to them, I will eventually master it – and you can too!
Just in time for Christmas, check out this Gifts-related post from yesteryear. Notice the Gifts speakers in your circles and put extra love and attention into their gifts this year. If you have a partner who speaks Gifts, we hope you find inspiration!
Happy shopping!
It is Christmas morning! Who is the most excited person in the house? Nope, not one of the children! It is the gift-giver extraordinaire! This is the person who not only loves receiving gifts, large and small, but also spends countless hours poring over gift ideas to find the perfect present (or presents) for everyone he or she loves. This is the man who spends far more than he should on the antique dresser his lady friend drooled over last July. This is the woman who could not stop herself from buying the outrageously impractical, but beautiful earring and necklace set for her mother because she knew it would make her cry happy tears!
To a Gifts-speaker, a gift is a physical reminder that he or she was on your mind. That magnet you bring home from your business trip to Orlando may seem like a small gesture to you, but it says, “Even though you were not with me, you were on my mind” to your gift-loving sweetheart.
Maybe you are thinking, “I am going to go broke showing love to my significant other!” Let me put your mind at ease: if your boyfriend or girlfriend speaks the love language of Gifts, you will not have to spend a lot of money to show that you care. Assuming there are not other issues at play, he or she is not interested in your breaking the bank. If your partner expects you to spend beyond your means to “show love,” consider that a glowing red flag you need to address.
What your honey is looking for is intentionality… tangible proof that he or she is on your mind and worth the time it takes to pick out a nice card, buy a cup of his favorite coffee, or find that teddy bear which sings her favorite song.
Recommendations for Showing Love to Someone through Gift-Giving
Make Any Day a Holiday
There is no need to wait for a formal holiday to give gifts to your honey. Use the “national” holidays. For instance: today, August 14th, is National Creamsicle Day. August 17th will be National Thrift Shop Day. Or, take October 2nd (Eric’s birthday) which is Name Your Car Day (which is appropriate since he likes doing that! – who knew!?!). {Or, today December 7, which is Letter Writing Day!}
Or, perhaps you can create your own holiday!? Choose a day and make it your personal holiday. Think of a fitting name and decide how to celebrate it. Are any specific foods involved? Are particular activities involved? Have fun with it! Just make sure there is a souvenir to commemorate the day.
Gift-speakers are also happy with spontaneous gifts; and, if you want to make them especially excited, have a gift delivered to their jobs {assuming they are back in the office from the pandemic…}! This is a big-time winner because it not only took effort to buy it, but you had to arrange for it to be delivered as well. Additionally, he or she will probably beam with pride and show it to friends and coworkers. “See how much he loves me?!” You will earn some serious points for this one!
Always Be on the Lookout for Small Gifts
Notice what he or she likes. Which kind of gum does she chew? What is his favorite cookie? Where does she shop for shoes? Which store does he often wander into in the mall? By paying attention to his or her likes and dislikes, you can keep a constant stream of small, thoughtful gifts coming. For a Gifts person, her favorite gum or his favorite candy bar is a bona fide gift. Thank you so much for thinking of me and noticing what I like. You must love me!
Never Return from a Trip Without a Souvenir
Find something fun on all your travels and make a point to always bring a small gift back for your honey. It does not need to be big and flashy. It just needs to be a physical reminder of an emotional truth: you love him or her. Even if you drive two towns over to pick up a TV you bought on Craigslist, swing in somewhere and buy a small item to remind them: “You are always with me.” Again, it does not have to be big or expensive; it just needs to come from the heart.
Make Sure Christmas, Birthdays, and Anniversaries are a GIANT DEAL
Never, never, never skimp on a birthday for a Gifts person. Please, whatever you do, make birthdays as sacred as possible. After all, your Gifts-loving honey loves holidays devoted to giving and receiving gifts. Chances are he or she will make a big deal out of your birthdays, so be sure to do the same in return.
Anniversaries are also a special moment for a couple. For a gift-giver, make sure to celebrate it with a physical reminder of your love for him or her. Eric and I, though Gifts is not a top love language of ours, follow the traditional anniversary gifts track: first year is paper, second year is cotton, third year is leather, etc. Do something similar for your Gifts-loving person. He or she will really appreciate the sentimentality it creates over the years as the tradition is upheld.
Additionally, make sure Christmas is done right, too. Even if you need to cut back financially and get really creative, make sure you give your Gifts-speaker something special and heartfelt on Christmas morning (some of the most meaningful gifts are made, not bought – created from the heart). If he or she cannot wait until after breakfast to open gifts, humor him or her. After all, your sweetheart is just as excited (if not more so) about giving you a gift as he or she is about receiving one.
Give Gifts When your Sweetheart is Insecure
Did you have a fight and your girlfriend is wondering where she stands? Bring her a small, loving gift when you seek reconciliation. This is not an attempt to buy her off. In fact, do not even show her the gift until after you have talked through the issue and reunited. Giving her the gift after before resolution will show her that you not only wanted to reconcile, but that even before you made up you still wanted to make her happy. It is a good move, fellas!
Has your man encountered a string of disappointments lately? Has his self-confidence been rattled? Encourage him with a gift. If he has a favorite quote, find it and have it engraved on a plaque for him. Is his music collection missing one key album? See if you can find it and give it to him as a pick me up. We cannot take our loved ones’ difficult circumstances away, but we can find ways to support them through it.
Do Not Get Lazy with your Gift Giving
If you bring your lady flowers every Friday with no enthusiasm, it will stop communicating your love for her; in fact, it will be counterproductive. If you bring him a new tool every time you go to the mall, fling it on the counter and say, “Here, this is for you,” he may like the tool but feel no love radiating from your good deed. Remember, it is not only about the physical item, but about the excitement you show in giving it. If your giving becomes routine or joyless, your sweetie would likely rather you forget the gift. If there is a Gifts person in your relationship (you or the other person), make sure to discuss this dynamic with each other.
Learn to Love Giving
Giving gifts does not come naturally to some people; in fact, it stresses some people out. Instead of enjoying the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, they despise the crowds and hate the pressure of finding the perfect gift. If they could have it their way, Christmas would no longer include gift exchanges.
If you do not enjoy buying gifts, or it does not occur to you to buy gifts, then ask for help. ~smile~ Be proactive and ask your sweetheart what lights up her day. Ask your man which surprises he enjoys. Then, make yourself notes to plan those surprises. Put a memo on your phone. A digital calendar is a great place to set up reminders. Pick several random days and put “surprise gift” on your calendar. After you do it for a while, it will get easier. Before long, you will be thinking about your sweetheart when you are at the grocery store, the mall, or a random shop, and you will become quite adept at finding small gifts for your honey wherever you go. A steady flow of thoughtful gifts will keep love gushing into your gift lover’s love tank!
What gift ideas do you have for your special someone? Originally published Aug 14, 2013 at 04:00