How is the quarantine going? Is everyone doing okay? Physical touch may not be much of an option right now. Acts of service may also be off the table. But, while we are quarantined from the ones we love, it is time for Words of Affirmation to shine!
If you have a Words of Affirmation partner, do not miss this opportunity to fill his or her love tank. Times are uncertain and nerves are frayed, but some loving words from you might just make all the difference in your significant other’s life right now!
We all want to be loved in a way which speaks to our core, so it is no surprise that this post has seen a lot of traffic over the years. We’re reviewing and updating it as part of our Hindsight – Most Upvoted and Shared series. If you speak words of affirmation or you know someone who does, check it out, and please share it with others!
Some say “talk is cheap.” Well, it is not cheap to someone who speaks Words of Affirmation (“Words”). Words people adore compliments, sweet cards, heartfelt gratitude, and hearing what they mean to others. Someone who speaks Words may appreciate a nice gift, a favor, and a hug, but what he or she really wants is to hear (or read) how much you care! What does he mean to you? How is she different than all the other girls you could have pursued? What makes your Words sweetheart special?
Even though Words of Affirmation is not my top love language, it is somewhat close behind Quality Time. I still have cards and letters from my past separated into categories – middle school, high school, friends, boyfriends {Eric’s note: boyfriends?!? Heather, we need to talk… ~smile~}, and some people even have their own envelope.
I can still remember random compliments I received at various times in my life. In fact, I dated someone who frequently accused me of fishing for compliments. My intention was not to force him to make nice comments about me; but, I did give him numerous opportunities to shower me with loving rhetoric. He could have easily walked through the doors I prepared! ~ smile~
Recommendations for Showing Love to a Words of Affirmation Partner!
Cards
If you are dating a Words person, do not make the following cardinal mistake: do not buy a card and only write “Love, <your name>” in it. If you get a Words person a card, be sure to write something heartfelt and meaningful in it! If you get your sweetie a card complete with a sweet note inside, do not be surprised if you uncover that card years later in a place of honor (e.g., hope chest, special card box, etc.).
Or, you can even mail a letter! “What? We live in the same town! And who mails letters anymore?” Send chills surging through your Words person’s bones by writing a nice letter and mailing it to him or her! It shows that you took the time to tell him or her you care. E-mails take minimal effort – and while they are great for everyday communication, a letter is a special treat! Try it! And I know for a fact that many women never outgrow fun stickers! ~smile~
Loving Compliments
Does your special someone seem to fish for compliments? Does he or she talk about accomplishments or flattering remarks from others in such a way that you feel tricked into giving a compliment (e.g., “Sally said she really thought my voice was good enough to get a solo in the production, but I don’t think so….”, etc.)? Well, don’t assume your boyfriend or girlfriend is vain. It could be that your words mean so much that he or she feels empty without them. If they are not forthcoming, your Words person may search for them.
Someone praising your scholastic success might make you feel good, but the same compliment may send a Words person soaring. You might hear it as a nice pick-me-up, but someone who speaks Words of Affirmation will take it as a cool, refreshing waterfall cascading onto his or her heart. Such comments are like a rainstorm after a drought. You don’t have to look far to find something praiseworthy! Make it a point to praise, reassure, or compliment your Words sweetheart on something every day (perhaps even each time you talk). So much verbal support may seem like overkill to you; but, as long as your words are sincere, they will never be too much for your honey.
Bragging to Others
Don’t save all your loving words for quiet times between the two of you! Brag on your sweetie to others. Don’t nauseate other people; but, while you are both out with friends, mention what a great job she did on her last writing assignment or talk about the excellence award he received at work. Words people are not conceited (the majority of them, anyway ~smile~). They just need to hear that they are special. Gifts people like to be shown love through presents, souvenirs, and random tangible surprises. Acts of Service people like to be shown love through help with chores, errands, and other forms of service. Words people simply need to be shown love verbally and that can be mistaken for arrogance or neediness.
When Your Words of Affirmation Sweetheart is Insecure
Dial up the kind words when your sweetie is going through a hard time. Guys, if you run into an ex-girlfriend while you are on a date and you can tell your girlfriend is feeling a little insecure, do not even mention the ex-girlfriend. Just spend the evening telling her how much your current girlfriend means to you, how beautiful you think she is, and how blessed you are to have her. If she asks about the ex-girlfriend, don’t make too much out of it. Simply reassure her that your ex-girlfriend is in your past and that the one right in front of you is all you care about now (assuming that is the truth, of course).
Ladies, if your boyfriend picks you up for a date and tells you he was fired from his job, give him a lot of verbal affirmation. Be careful not to patronize or pity him, yet encourage him by highlighting all the strengths you see in him. Keep a positive attitude and draw attention to his areas of competence. Whatever you do, do not use your words to put him down (e.g., “I told you not to confront your boss!” or “I knew one day you would get in trouble for being late!”, etc.). Just as words of love fill the heart of a Words person, negative or unkind words greatly discourage the heart.
The Battle of the Sexes
It’s important to note that men and women enjoy verbal affirmation differently. Ladies, we like to hear people praise us for who we are. Men like to hear people praise them for what they do. Some days I feel like nothing I do is important, or I tell myself that Eric could get through life just as easily without me. On those days, I appreciate when Eric hugs me and tells me what he loves about me. He loves that I have a caring heart. He loves that I am empathetic. He loves how I bring balance into his life. Those comments speak to my internal worth. If all he said was, “I appreciate your cooking, cleaning, and laundering” I would not feel affirmed.
On the other hand, Eric is not all that interested in me pointing out his internal worth. “I love you because you’re mine” isn’t going to cut it. ~smile~ When I tell him how much I respect him, he wants specifics. “What do I do that you respect?” He wants to know that I think he is a good provider. He wants to know that I respect his ability to lead and spiritually guide his family. He wants to know that I think he is a strong protector. And he likes examples of how he is providing well, leading well, and protecting well. He is not trying to toot his own horn. He just wants his wife to adore him. What man does not? ~smile~
Keep Your Words True
One temptation to avoid: giving fake compliments or exaggerating the truth to make your honey feel good. Words people deeply value verbal encouragement and we can hurt them more with false sincerity than by remaining silent. If he or she catches you in a lie, your words will cease to be meaningful. “How do I know he’s telling the truth?” “Is she just trying to butter me up?” If words are the main way your sweetheart receives love, you will be in a tight spot if your words lose their power. If you don’t love her dress, don’t comment on it. If you don’t find his latest video game victory impressive, don’t pretend you do. You can say, “great job” if you want, but resist the temptation to slather him with fake enthusiasm. You want your sweetie to deeply value and trust your words.
Make Words of Affirmation a Habit
Regardless of whether your beloved is a Words person, it is important to make verbal affirmation a habit; but, especially if your honey speaks Words of Affirmation. Perhaps you can begin each conversation with a heartfelt comment (“Hey, Beautiful!”) or specific compliment (“Congratulations on your promotion! I’m so proud of your hard work!”). You may even go as far as to make a list of what you love about your sweetie and be sure to share at least one attribute from the list with him or her each day. Before you know it, speaking Words of Affirmation will become second nature to you. .
What are five specific ways you can show love to someone who speaks Words of Affirmation?