Sometimes ladies are looking for a sign to know whether or not he is the one for her. In these cases, the men wanted to make sure the point was loud and clear and offered these signs to their beloveds.
In celebration of Mother’s Day yesterday, we’re going to talk about moms today. What are some of your fondest memories with your mother? My mom and I used to share a lot of Friday night laughs because we were both so tired we’d laugh at anything. We enjoyed sitting and chatting over a cheap combo meal while we were out shopping. We still love reminiscing over silly mistakes we’ve made, or how we made fools of ourselves in various situations. There are lots of mini-memories I have with my mom, but perhaps the most powerful memory I have of her is when she took a day off of work to be with me after my first broken heart.
Anyone who knows my mom knows that she has to be really sick before she’ll take a day off from work. She is a dedicated second-grade teacher who is excitedly awaiting her June retirement. However, when I was twelve and received my first broken heart, she decided to take a day off at the last minute. Maybe you’re thinking, “You were twelve. How bad could it have been?” Trust me… it was bad.
I still remember sobbing and not understanding why my relationship with this boy had to end. Some parents might have told me to suck it up, but not my mom. She let me cry, she rubbed my back, and she spent the next day with me. We drove 45 minutes to the beach and then made a full circle back to my hometown. She just let me talk. If it was important to me, it was important to her. She knew that I would get through this milestone in my life before too long, but she didn’t treat my pain as if it was insignificant. For all the mistakes she made, as all mothers do, she hit that day out of the park, and I’ll never forget it.
Mothers do a lot to teach us about marriage. Some teach us how to be married well and others teach us what not to do. If your mom taught you all the right ways to treat your future spouse, be thankful for her – and, if she taught you all the wrong ways to treat your future spouse, learn from her mistakes, and still be thankful for her.
By taking me out that day and listening to me spill my twelve-year-old guts, Mom built a bridge to my heart. She showed me how powerful a little time can be to a relationship. She also showed me that relationships were valuable. Sure, this was an everyday young girl’s heartache, but by not sweeping it under the rug, she showed me that relationships had worth.
For as long as I can remember, Mom warned me about the type of guy to avoid. She told me not to feel pressured to marry the first guy who asked me. She told me that she was praying for her future son-in-law. She prayed for a man that would be a hard worker, and boy did she receive an answer. Eric is literally the hardest working man I know.
As the Mother’s Day season comes and goes, I am reminded of how much my mother taught me about life and love. As you head into your upcoming marriage and have your little boys and girls, remember that you will influence their outlook on marriage and relationships. Be joyful as you take on that responsibility. Build a bridge to their hearts – they won’t forget it.
How did your mother influence your view of relationships?
A fun “getting to know you” question to ask your date, boyfriend/girlfriend, or fiancé/fiancée is this: “What would you do if you suddenly had ten million dollars?” The way a person spends his or her money can tell you a lot about his or her character; but, it is also fun to consider what you really would do with that kind of money.
If I had ten million dollars, I would tithe to God (by definition of the word “tithe”, that would be ten percent). After that, I’d have some serious fun. My idea of serious fun is buying and giving gifts.
First of all, I would probably take a million or two and put it aside for my parent’s retirement with enough extra to buy them several car/truck replacements (my dad loves to ride through the Chevy dealer lot and look at trucks for fun).
After that I would probably invest 2-3 million, put a million in an emergency fund, and buy a new car. With the few million remaining I would probably start buying fun gifts for people like it was going out of style. Instead of Bath and Body Works lotions and sprays, I could buy my friends cars and vacations. Oh yes, it is a fantasy indeed! I seriously love shopping for gifts!
On the other hand, if Eric had to answer this question, I imagine he would be a bit more responsible. He’d save more and probably contemplate the gifts he bought more carefully than I would. He would probably consider the eternal value of his gifts and give a lot more money to a mission’s organizations and evangelistic efforts. He might not have as much fun as I would, but he would be deeply satisfied with how he spent His money.
{Eric’s note: I would likely give to charity organizations I believed in as well as set up an endowment for student entrepreneurs with specific qualifications. I would definitely purchase some investments (real estate and mutual funds) as well as set aside a defined portion of money from which to give gifts. I would definitely give, but wouldn’t go as crazy as my lovely bride in that area. [smile]
One of my favorite ideas for responsible giving is to give a percentage (up to 100%) of someone’s salary per month to them. So, whatever they make (if the percentage is 100%), I would match it (effectively doubling their income). That way, they couldn’t bum around on a single large windfall and do nothing with their lives (often people like that go bankrupt). I would want the gift to be a blessing, not something which would unravel their productivity in life as a member of society. I’d also set aside a portion of money to blow and with which to have fun.}
When I was waiting for my knight in shining armor to come along, I desired someone who knew the value of a dollar and spent it responsibly. My parents were both fairly conservative with money. (Okay, my mom was ultra conservative and my dad was fairly conservative. [smile]) We went on small vacations, we ate out at reasonably priced restaurants, and there was plenty under the tree for Christmas, but it was never over the top (and, if it wasn’t Christmas or my birthday, I didn’t expect to get new toys).
When I was old enough to have a checking account, but too young to live on my own, I was given a certain amount of money per month for clothes, and if I ran out, that was just too bad! The truth of the matter is I didn’t run out of clothing money because I learned to pace myself and buy what I needed when I needed it – otherwise, I knew that I would have to go out and earn it myself if I wanted better items or more items.
As you may be able to tell, I deeply appreciate the lessons my parents taught me about money. Because of my monetary upbringing, I would not have been comfortable marrying someone who did not budget, plan for the future, and save. Even though I love to give gifts, I do feel safe within the confines of a well thought out budget. Shopping would not be nearly as fun for me if I didn’t know how much I could reasonably spend. Eric turned out to be just the type of guy I had in mind. He is not afraid to spend money (he’s probably more of a spender at heart than I am {Eric’s note: ‘tis true!}), but he budgets and plans ahead for those expenditures. Because he budgets and considers the future, he helps me to feel more comfortable spending money.
Before getting married, pose the ten million dollar question. What would you do if you had ten million dollars? It’s a fun scenario to consider and it will give you a glimpse into your boyfriend/girlfriend’s character.
Look for qualities that are important to you. If spontaneity is important to you, notice if he or she plans to do anything exciting or out of the ordinary with the money. If you prefer to save, save, and save some more, notice if he or she has plans to save a good portion of the money. If you are a generous giver, be sure to notice if he or she would give some of the money to a worthwhile cause.
Though I don’t expect anyone to make a marital decision based on this one question alone, it is a good question to add to a list of questions (e.g., Where do you want to be in ten years?) to ask each other before becoming engaged or getting married.
So, get some coffee (or your beverage of choice) and grab a notepad and have fun writing down what you and your sweetie would do if you each had ten million dollars! (Hint: cheap date night activity!)
What traits are you looking for in a spouse regarding the gaining and spending of money?
For a reason unbeknownst to me, there is something alluring and captivating about falling water. There are national parks built around showcasing spectacular waterfalls. Our grooms-to-be have decided to utilize this mysterious and awe-inspiring power to declare their love for their women.
Enjoy the videos as you not only see the water fall, but you see the women fall head over feet for their men.
Ever since I was twelve or so I wanted to marry an older guy. Perhaps it’s because I am an only child and my desire is to be around older people; however, when I was young, I thought it was so cool to have boyfriends that had jobs, cars (complete with a driver’s license!), and grown up problems (e.g., bills). There was something about knowing my special someone had a few more years experience than me that was extremely comforting.
The good news is I got my wish! Eric is almost six years older than me – which, in my mind, is a perfect gap for me. The bad news is Eric was twenty-eight when we got married and he had twenty-eight years to collect a lot of stuff.
About six months before we got married, Eric bought a house. He moved the contents of his apartment and his storage unit into the house. Several months later, upon getting married, we moved the contents of my apartment into the house and my extra stuff from back home. My mother was especially thrilled to free up some space in their house and shed. After all, I’d already been away from home for the greater part of three years at college. Needless to say, this house that seemed big when it was empty became quite small after we comingled the stuff we accumulated from our lives.
Shortly after we got married, we threw ourselves into grad school. At the end of the day, we were busy between full time jobs and part time school. The boxes of stuff we brought into the house stayed in the basement. After grad school, other pursuits awaited us. We pursued them and the boxes remained tucked away in the basement. And even as I type this, the boxes are still in the basement.
The clutter has finally caught up with me! It seems like I go to bed and wake up to find more stuff in my basement than I remembered (I think it’s multiplying…). If you are not careful, stuff will take over your life. When I was preparing for marriage, no one ever told me that clutter would affect my marriage. So, I’m here to tell all of you aspiring brides and grooms out there that CLUTTER WILL AFFECT YOUR MARRIAGE. At one point, Eric even picked up this book and started reading it: It’s All Too Much by Peter Walsh. He said it was a very good book that would have helped us if he slowed down enough to be able to implement it!
There is a type of peace that comes from having a neat, organized home. Most homes have some storage areas. It’s not feasible to think that you will never have to tuck items away for occasional use (e.g., snow shovels, gardening tools, and seasonal decorations); yet, an organizational system will aid greatly in keeping those items out of your daily life. Piles of stuff in every room may affect your ability to think clearly, relax, and enjoy your living space (I can tell you that it does for me!). There are reasons people don’t choose to live in storage units.
However, as of a few weeks ago, little by little, I started chipping away at organizing our living space. Goodwill will get a visit from me soon and Craigslist may see me as well. For the remaining items, I will be boxing, labeling, and organizing our unfinished space in the basement. For my sanity, the rest of our house needs to be the picture of minimalistic bliss.
Since I’ve let all of this clutter grow over the last few years, organizing it is going to be quite the job. If I put it off longer, it will be an even bigger job. Had I organized it as I was moving in, it would not have been nearly as overwhelming of a task as it is now. So, as I type to you from a cluttered computer room, let me strongly recommend that as you move towards combining your life with another, spend some focused time in the first few months organizing your home. If organization is not your gift, find someone who is gifted who can help you (if they really gifted, then they may even do it for free just to see one more room loosened from the bondage of clutter!). De-cluttering your home from the onset will be well worth it in the days to come! With that said… wish me luck! I’m going into the warzone again….
What ways can you organize now to make moving in together after the wedding less stressful?
