We got a good response from the Part 1 of Sex Before Marriage post; so, we are graced with the second part! It’s like getting to the top of the roller coaster ride, right before the fall… here we go!
Sex Before Marriage, Part 2
As a refresher, remember the mathematical equation for godly sexuality:
Purity before Marriage + Intimacy in Marriage = Godly Sexuality
Now, here are four more reasons that couples should abstain from sex before marriage:
- Intensifies the Relationship. We live in a world that would like to convince us that sexuality can be separated from relationship – friends with benefits, pornography, one-night stands, etc. are the evidence. But Sex and the City is fiction. The reality is that we all know that being intimate with someone means being close, vulnerable, and invested. This person has seen you NAKED, for heaven’s sake! Unless you’re a nudist colony resident or a stripper, that’s a big deal. If you are in a dating relationship or engagement, the moment you sleep together feelings accelerate. That intensity is best left for marriage, when commitment is partnered with intimacy. I know people who married someone they had reservations about or rushed the wedding because they had sex and it intensified the relationship. Take your time, get to know your future lover, and don’t put the cart before the horse.
- Encourages Comparison. Having more than one lover or even pre/post-marital intimacy encourages comparison. Like it or not, if you have a past sexual history, at some point in your life a previous experience will pop into your head when you are with your spouse. I wish it weren’t so, but I have yet to talk to anyone for whom this wasn’t true. For those of us who have had prior sexual experience, we are not trying to compare; but if you have eaten at only one great restaurant, that’s the only one you know; while those who have dined at several will recognize that the roasted zucchini is a little better here than elsewhere without even considering it much. The beauty of one man/one woman is that you learn sexuality together and your best lover is the one you have. It’s like how my child says I’m the best mother he’s ever had! Um, yeah, because I’m the only mother he’s ever had. And while I’m not perfect, if I’m good enough, I’ll keep that status.
- Hooks You on Forbidden Fruit Sex. There is something a little nice about naughty sex. Let me clarify! Not truly naughty, but adventurous – which is fine within marriage. But partners who always have forbidden sexual experiences can get hooked on that high of sneaking around, acting like a teenage rebel, or feeling that adrenaline surge. Then when you get married, it may feel ho-hum, or you may need to kick it up a notch to bring on those sensations again. And you do not want to spend your marriage chasing after an elusive high that was based on doing something you should not have been doing to begin with.
- Brings Guilty Feelings into the Marriage. Plenty of spouses enter marriage with guilt over premarital sexual activity. They know deep in their heart that they crossed a line. They hope that being married will erase all of that guilt and they can move on. But it’s still there. In fact, bringing that guilt into your marriage can lower your sex drive within marriage. Some wives do not enjoy sex with their husbands because it continues to be associated with guilt feelings they experienced before. Of course, God is a Forgiver. But we should not keep on sinning so that grace may abound! There is definitely a road to forgiveness and past sexual history should not prevent you from experiencing God’s blessing of intimacy in marriage, but the ideal is to never strike out on that path to begin with.
When you are in love with your fiancé/fiancée, you are physically attracted to them. God has given you a sexual desire for that person. God wants you to experience His blessings of godly sexuality. But while He’s cooking up that delectable nine-course meal, sometimes we are like the kid who keeps popping into the kitchen saying, “When is it going to be ready? I’m starved!”
“Patience,” He says, “patience.” And if you are like me, your patience is about as big as an acorn when you need an oak tree’s worth. So you twiddle your thumbs, fidget your feet, hear your tummy rumble, and note the cookie jar. Hmmm. That might be nice.
If you indulge, I will tell the truth: It is nice. Sex feels good. God made it that way. But premarital sex is no nine-course meal. It’s Chips Ahoy or a bag of M&Ms – which I like, but not as much as dining at Emeril’s or ordering Death by Chocolate.
There are physical risks to awakening love before its time, but consider carefully the emotional and spiritual risks as well. Our society may be able to address the physical barriers, but it cannot overcome God’s sow-and-reap plan for sexuality. He designed it for marriage.
J can be found at Hot, Holy, & Humorous, where she uses a biblical perspective and a blunt sense of humor to foster Christian sexuality in marriage.
Show some love to J by liking this post, sharing it with others, and commenting below. Thank you to J for the guest post! (And you know that sexual equation up there? She’s only covered half of it…. stay tuned.)